The Kind Sadist.

I recently had a thought provoking conversation with a sub and wanted to delve a little deeper into the subject.

A little background before I get into it..

I grew up in a vary anti violence home. My father is Buddhist and mother is Quaker. Both practice meditation and mindfulness. So it struck me how odd it was that the son (me) is a dominant with sadistic tendencies.

Yes.. I am a kind and caring person. And I think that I get a lot of that from how I was raised. But where did the sadist part come from? It has always been a part of me so I know it did not grow out of the abuse I have suffered. Though that may have made it stronger. And let me clarify.. when I say sadist I dont mean I tortured cats or something. I have only ever been interested in causing pain and discomfort to someone who wants and enjoys that. A subs need is what allows me to act on and enjoy pain. Do I enjoy punishing a sub? Not always… it depends on why they are being punished. The old saying “this is going to hurt me as much as it hurts you” can definitely be true. But other times… when I know deep down they are craving.. needing that punishment.. tears of frustration and helplessness are incredibly arousing. And Knowing how I like to push a sub I am also a devout practitioner of aftercare.

I always find it interesting whenever I reflect on my own actions and motivations and find such a stark contrast in aspects of my personality. But they somehow mesh together seamlessly.

I can be kind and loveing and that makes me happy. I can be strict and sadistic and it can make me laugh with joy. I am happy helping a friend or teaching something new.

A kind sadist? There are more things in this world horacio then have been drempt of by mortal man.

Best wishes -SirHanz

8 thoughts on “The Kind Sadist.

  1. Beautiful post. Thank you for reminding readers that sadism and kindness are not mutually exclusive. On the contrary, BDSM teaches us how we can use pain for pleasure, healing and growth. It’s sad that mainstream media tends to portray a very stereotyped version of sadism

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you enjoyed it. And I agree about the portrayal of sadism through the lens of NCIS or some other such show. Not the most flattering portrait. It leaves those of us that actually understand unable to talk about part of our lives simply because we dont want to spend hours correcting misconceptions.


  2. I grew up in a very strict Roman Catholic household, and went to Catholic schools from kindergarten through high school…Spanked on the regular…
    in addition, father is from a military background…
    I have often wondered how much of this is a direct correlation to my being a sub and spanko… especially when I have a pretty independent spirit and strong backbone.
    Reading your background is very interesting.

    And I would add, for some of us… Providing pain is a kindness. 😎

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Absolutely! Most uneducated believe it’s abuse, and I truly get that. It’s only after education, patience and being truly lucky and loved, that I see it differently and clearly. Safe, Sane and Consensual is the ONLY way!

        Liked by 1 person

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