As I continue my journey exploring my submissive side I have discovered a lot about myself. Mostly good, some… well.. it depends on the person I guess.
First a little background, i have never been a jealous man. I am definitely protective, but not jealous. I always viewed it like this.. if you trust someone, there is no need for jealousy. And if you dont.. maybe it’s time to reexamine the relationship or talk to the person and try to re establish that trust. And as for being protective.. yah. Maybe even over protective. But no one.. hurts my people.
And then i started exploring submission. And i felt jealousy. I wanted her attention and affection. And I didnt want her to give it to someone else. I really didnt like feeling that. And I didnt like that I had the feeling in the first place. It was so unlike me, here was someone I trust.. and I was jealous! Why? I struggled to understand but it finally came to me.
That’s part of the deal. When you give yourself to someone like that… you CRAVE them. You want to drown in their attention and their affection is like a drug. Even the little things you hold dear. Every “good job” or “you look nice” is like winning an award. Every “thank you” or “you are special to me” is like a shot of pure endorphins. I am hooked. And if the person your addicted to is giving out what you crave to someone else.. yah.. jealousy. Its petty and small. And it’s not like me at all.. unless apparently it is.
So yes.. I am jealous. It’s not the “pay attention to me or else” kind of jealousy. But it is the “I wish that was me” kind. Something for me to work on I am shure. But at least now I understand it.
Best wishes -SirHanz
Knotty Thoughts 