Today I wanted to talk a bit about degradation. In my experience there are two kinds of degrading, positive and negative. Positive degradation you say? What’s that? Well… the classic example I always use is this.
Think about the difference in how you feel if your dominant calls you a “whore, or dirty slut.” VS. If they call you “My gorgeous whore, or my wonderfully dirty slut.” Big difference huh? There is no right or wrong here. Just two vary different aspects. Some people enjoy the feelings they get from the negative, some the positive, and some like nether or both. But the important thing is to know these little nuances and be aware of what it is you enjoy or dont.
Understanding the impact your words have on your submissive is important. And not just that they have an impact, you have to look deeper. And that’s the wonderful thing about a d/s dynamic.. a good dominant WANTS to see those deeper layers. Understanding the psychology behind your actions and your submissives responses gives you more control. The dominant has more control which they enjoy and the submissive enjoys the experience more because the dom understands their reactions better. It benefits both. But I digress…
Some form of open communication is essential to understanding how your words affect your submissive. You can guess by there expressions or physical reactions but you will never be completely shure unless you can talk about it. Usually things are a little more complex that just she gets wet when you call her a whore… what else is she feeling in that moment? Shame? Disappointment? Anger? Sadness? Rebellious? Aroused? Needy? Desired? Often the submissive has not really explored or thought deeply on what they are feeling. They just enjoy it and leave it at that. And that may be just fine for some, but if you crave that deeper level of control… prompt them to think about it. Experiment with different words and the feelings they evoke. And learn to use those words like a surgeon to guide your submissive to exactly the headspace you want them in.
And remember… its supposed to be fun. 😁
Best wishes -SirHanz