Pondering

Tonight as I wait for laundry to dry so I may sleep, I ponder what life has in store for me. It has been almost about 7 months since my last relationship ended. My life now that I am single is much less stressful, but devoid of the affection that I crave. (Not that I received much of that for years before the relationship ended.)

Work progresses day by day. My boss is considering retirement and leaveing the majority of the work in my hands. I hope he does.. not just for the inevitable raise I will get with added responsibility but he is old, approaching 70 and he works damm hard. He deserves a rest.

My writing is progressing as well. I am just finishing my third short story and still working on my book. My publisher and editor have been a godsend for cleaning up and refining my work. I still write poetry as the mood strikes me and post most of the short ones on Twitter.

My interest in bdsm is still as strong as ever. Though as I sit here and write I wonder about how I will fair as I get older. The signs of age are already showing.. gray in my beard, joints that ache a little more than they use to. I get tired more easily than I use to. Work takes a larger toll than it did when I started and I heal slower. Time will tell I guess. I think a lot will depend on my partner.

I think of all these things and more. Each another signpost drawing me to where I should be. Will it be a kind of haven? Or another kind of hell.. I know not. But I am wiser than I was. I know myself and the kind of life I hope for.

I will see where this path leads. There is a light illuminating my way. And I can feel the pull of fate guiding my hand.

If nothing else.. I know I will learn. And like so many times before.. i will ether survive, or not. But I will keep fighting for that bright moment.

I hope you are all well and happy.

Best wishes -SirHanz

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