Bad dream

I have been working a lot lately and it has been hard to write because I have been so tired. Worked late on Monday so i could take Tuesday off to rest. That did help the body aches some. Crashed early last night and woke at 6am from a dream that left me feeling nauseous. Tried to put it on the page to get it out of my head and that did help a little.

I dreamed of pain,
The pain of being cast away,
Ignored.. struggling In vain,
To be seen..
To be loved…
I wanted to yell,
To scream,
It was it’s own kind of hell,
Subconscious fears,
Makeing themselves known,
I awoke with half formed tears,
Shimmering in my vision,
Deep breath…. only a dream..
Only a dream.. only a dream.

Still not feeling great.. but life goes on.

I hope all your mornings are better than my own.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Sunday in bed

I know you were hopeing for some blood pumping hotness.. but I am a sadist.. so no.😁 just finaly am clear headed enough to write again.

Woke up today feeling not quite sick.. you know that feeling you get when you are about to get sick.. your tired and drained feeling.. food and drink tastes off.. yah.. that’s what I woke up to. So spent most of the day watching youtube and napping (when the dog wasn’t being an asshat and would let me sleep) felt like my head was filled with fog.. unable to focus on anything.

Finaly starting to feel better. Been pushing fluids all day in the hope that will help. Now that I can finally form coherent thought again I thought I may write something on the blog. So here it is.. my lazy day of feeling icky. Bet your glad you stopped to read lol.. yah.. that’s 3 minutes of your life your not getting back. Could be worse though.. at least you didnt have to watch plan 9 from outer space. (Yes.. quite possibly the worst movie ever made)

So now I am sitting on the porch, drinking iced tea and watching the sunset. Not a bad end for a day filled with blarg. Well.. except for the mosquitoes. Itchy flying torture bugs.

Be well -SirHanz

Single life.

I remember a time when I was good at being single. Wow that was a long time ago.. now? I have no idea what I should be doing besides maybe fixing up my house a little and reorganizing my closet. Sad huh? Should I get some new clothes? Should I go out more? God I hope not.. I really dont like to go out unless I have a reason to. Go out and meet people they say.. *facepalm* I wasn’t good at that when I was 20 why would I be better at 40? Shure.. I am a lot more secure with who I am and confident now.. but I also know most people dont want to be approached by some random stranger. And makeing someone uncomfortable is not a good way to get a date. Clubs are out.. if for no other reason than I would have to drive downtown and unless i know for a fact i am going to meet someone it doesn’t seem worth the aggravation. Oh.. and downtown smells like a bathroom. Soo.. pass. So that leaves what.. bars? I dont drink if I am driving, so unless I have a driver that’s out. Gym? Who likes getting hit on at the gym? Nope. That reminds me.. should I work out more? Or try to lose weight? (I’m not chunky just a tiny bit of a belly) yah.. typing that made me think I should do both. *sigh* hello salad goodbye pizza.

Oh well.. I am trying not to worry too much about it. In the mean time I am adjusting to being single again. It feels weird.. I have basically been a caretaker for the last 5 years and suddenly being able to stop doing that has left me wondering what to do with myself. I know what I want, (I think.. I am always open to whatever life may send my way) just not how to find it. I am not deluded enough to expect to find someone right away.. but a place to start is what I am trying to find.

On the bright side I am sleeping better, sleeping next to someone who doesn’t want to be touched (not talking sexually.. but like anything at all..) is bordering on overwhelming insanity for someone who craves touch like I do. So while sleeping alone sucks.. it’s better than that.

Oh.. and I have more closet space now. I can finally organize my summer and winter clothes.

Hmm.. do I need to buy a suit?

Best wishes -SirHanz

Blarg

Introducing! The one!

The only!

The man with two hands!

Watch him and be inspired!

See wonders and be amazed!

Wait…

Wait….

Nope.

I got nothing.

That’s how I am feeling today. You remember those old cartoons where someone opens their wallet and moths fly out? That’s what I feel like when I try to do something creative today. Just drawing a blank. The musket is in my hands, I aim…. pull the trigger… and bloop! The ball rolls out of the barrel and drops into a puddle. Maybe I am in a funk? Or a fugue? Not shure but it is starting to annoy me. The world seems dull today. Like the shiny bits are there but have no sparkle. Sleepwalking through my day. I now have 3 unfinished poems and 2 unfinished blogs. I keep trying to jumpstart things by writing and the spark is there but the powder is all wet.

Blarg.