Death and dismemberment… live at 10pm

Our world is interconnected on a level unprecedented in the history of the human race. This has created many good and amazing things. We exchange ideas with and learn from other cultures. We are able to speak to people all over the globe in an instant from wherever we are. We can enjoy places far away without ever leaving our home.

But there is a price. And you dont even realize your paying it. With knowledge comes responsibility. We are compelled to act by our own human nature to fix things that are unjust or cruel or heartbreaking. But here’s the catch. You cant fix it.

War, pain, death, sadness, cruelty, indifference, prejudice.. we are constantly bombarded with stories and images of these things happening here and across the world. Famine, suffering… we hear about these things every day. And somehow we have gotten it into our heads that suddenly our whole world is more dangerous and scary than it used to be. Well.. I have news for you. It has always been like this. You just didnt know. And now we hear about a lady out for a jog getting raped and suddenly think twice about going for a run. But is it any less safe now than before? I dont think it is. Now we simply know about all the crap that is happening in the world. But that has always been happening. It’s not new or different. But now that we know it creates anxiety and stress. We feel helpless at being unable to stop or fix things even though we have no power to do so.

This is the price. And for some it can be devastating. Good people that were joyful happy people now suffer fear and anxiety disorders because they cant help and dont feel safe anymore. They are no less safe than 20 years ago but now because of what we have seen and learned we feel like we are.

We need to learn to separate ourselves and our environment from what we see and hear in the news or read online. We need to rebuild the feeling of safety and freedom. But how do we do that?

Self care. Go for that run. Read a book. Sit on the porch with a cup of tea and listen to the sound of wind in the trees. Lay in the grass and watch the clouds. Take time to appreciate all the wonderful little things that you haven’t done in a long time because you were too busy or focused on things you cant change. When was the last time you felt the bark of a tree under your hands? Or watched the stars laying on the driveway in winter? Reconnect with your own world, and you will worry less about the world thousands of miles away.

I will leave you with this..

Ignorance may be bliss.. but we no longer have that luxury. So be aware of the price of knowledge and understand that things are no worse then when when you didnt know.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Rules for life

1. Buy extra forks. You think you have enough.. you dont.

2. Be kind to strangers. You never know when they may help you in the future.

3. Dont buy cheap shoes. They will fall apart 20 times as fast as a well made pair.

4. Dont buy something just because its brand name. If it’s not made well that logo on the side dont mean squat.

5. Deep breath. Good. Now do that the rest of your life. Oxygen makes you stronger, smarter, and faster.

6. Think more, talk less.

7. Eat well but healthy.

8. Sleep when you can, you will almost certainly never get enough.

9. Learn something new every day.

10. Keep your secrets.

11. Tell your secrets to the one you love.

12. Dont lie to yourself.

13. Stop caring about what people you dont know think of you.

14. When old people give you advice.. listen.

15. Be loyal. It’s better to have one friend that would follow you into hell than a hundred who dont have time to help when you need them.

16. Try not to get into fights.

17. If you have to fight, remember.. there is no such thing as a fair fight when they are trying to hurt you or a loved one. Use whatever you have to put them down.

18. Always know the odds. But know some things are worth the risk.

19. Know your limits.

20. Be willing to injure yourself to save yourself or another.

21. Anger is weakness.

22. Drink more water.

23. Never ask someone to do a job your not willing to do.

24. Always know that you could be wrong.

25. Get a nice bed. Being well rested is important. And you never know who may end up tied to it.

Best wishes -SirHanz

DomSpace

Subspace gets a lot of talking about in blogs and forums, but not much is said about DomSpace… why is that? Well… part of the reason is many doms have never experienced domspace. Or they may have and didnt realize what it was. So I thought it was high time to dig deeply into this and lay it out for people to understand.

Let’s start with the basics.. what is domspace?

To explain that we first have to look at the headspace of a dominant. Doms vary rarely act without a plan. We plan our interactions with our submissive and have a veriaty of contingency plans waiting in the back of our minds ready to be brought up depending on the reaction of our partners. When interacting with a submissive we experience feelings of power, control and a deep sence of connection as we react to the changes in the mood and mentality of our partners. Through bdsm we deepen that sence of connection and control.

Domspace comes into play when during an interaction with a submissive the conciousness decision makeing of how to do something or when stops. Now I am not talking about just acting randomly or impulsively. I’m talking about when the body of the dom is acting almost like it’s on autopilot, one action seamlessly flowing into the next… moving in perfect harmony with the partner. The subconscious takes the reins and the concious mind is left to revel in the feelings of power and control without haveing to choose what comes next or how to do something.

The experience is intense. Almost overwhelming. And unless the dominant understands what is happening they may pull back from it for fear that they are losing control. Or they may go in the other direction and actually lose control and enter dom frenzy. It’s a fine line to walk. Maintaining control through the subconscious requires a deep and abiding sense of self control, and the trust and confidence in yourself to not lose control even when you let go of the reins.

Unlike subspace which can be experienced by totally giving up control, and can be experienced by even the newest submissive if they are willing to give up control to that level. Domspace can take a long time to reach. You have to know and understand your partner and yourself quite a bit before it becomes possible. (There are some rare exemptions but dont expect it.)

It is also important to note that after experiencing domspace domdrop is a vary real possibility. (I will talk about that in another blog at a later date) so be mindful, and with knowledge in hand.. enjoy the ride.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Cant sleep

I am generally a fairly easygoing guy, but there are a few thing that just annoy the crap out of me.

One of the biggest things is being woken up right as I doze off. Shure.. if it’s an emergency I get it.. it’s fine I will deal with it. But tonight it was a false alarm… literally. The battery in the smoke alarm died and it starts makeing that high pitched [I hate you and never want you to sleep again] noise. And of course I snap awake wondering what fresh hell is this… realize what the noise is, realize I am going to have to get out of bed and remove the battery… so of course I get up and do that because I do actually want to sleep at some point tonight.

Getting woken up is only half of why it annoys me though. The main reason is that if I get woken up as I am falling asleep, I catch my second wind and cant fall back asleep for a couple of hours no matter how tired I am.

And so I find myself here writing, hopeing it helps me into the embrace of morpheus once again. And knowing that in all likelihood I will get 4 hours of sleep and then have to crawl around in an atic pulling wire tomorow wanting to faceplant into the fiberglass insulation because it looks soft.

Well.. 1am and I am still up.. I may as well try to write something usefull.

Experience

I was once asked why I only try to help doms and female subs. To me the answer was obvious, that is where my experience is. I can help doms because I have often made the same mistakes and had the same problems. I can help female subs because I have invested monumental amounts of time into learning as much as I can about what it is like to be a female sub, what they need, what submission can do to a lady physically and mentally, and how best to avoid the pitfalls that come with all that. And I am still learning. Every dom or sub I meet teaches me something.

So why not help a male sub? Because I dont know crap about what they need or how to help them. The best thing I can do is to not fiddle around with things I dont understand. That’s how things get even more messed up. So no matter how bad I feel for them it is best for them If i let someone who does have to tools and experience step in to help.

And that is the point of this blog, know yourself. Know what you can do and what you cant. Learn when you can help someone and when to step back and let someone with more experience step in. And know when to seek the help of those with more experience than yourself. There have been plenty of times I needed to do that. ( I try to limit how much i bother other doms with questions though. I know that my curiosity to know everything can suck up time they often dont have to spare. )

I will close with this… if in doubt… ask. It is often more important to recognize what you dont know than to rely only on what you do.

1:30am..

Going to go stair at the dark and listen to the dog snore. Hopefully I will sleep soon.

3am..

Still awake. Have to get up for work at 7… soo tired….

Goodnight fellow dreamers -SirHanz

Knowing and Understanding

Gather round folks, time for another installment of “things I feel like talking about ”

Today’s chapter… the difference between knowing and understanding.

But first a joke.

A sub is sweeping the floor, but she has the broom turned sideways and it’s not working vary well. Another sub comes over and explains how to sweep and even shows her an example. The first sub goes right back to trying to sweep with the edge of the broom. The helpful sub “no no no! Here, I will show you again..” she demonstrates again and hands the broom back. The first sub starts sweeping with the edge of the broom again. A dom walks over, grabs the broom from the sub, hits her three times on the ass with it and yells “do it right!” The sub immediately starts sweeping correctly. The helpful sub “I just showed you how to do that! Why didn’t you listen to me!” The first sub “well you didn’t explain it like he did!”

This is a tough one to put into words. How can you know something and not understand it? Let’s put this in the context of a sub who has been given instruction on a particular task. They may remember the task and the steps they need to complete to finish it… and that’s knowing. But understanding? Let’s look at what that would require. Do they know why they are being told to do the task? How does the task serve their dom? What will they learn from doing this? How will they feel when they are done? How will the dom feel? Ect..

Answer all those deeper questions and you have understanding. See the difference? It is knowing to memorize. But this in itself doesn’t bring understanding. We should always be seeking those deeper layers. Thinking about things that we know from different angles and slowly changing that knowledge to understanding.

And now you know. But ask yourself, do I understand?

Mental health in bdsm

This is something I have had some experience with so I thought I would share a few of my observations and maybe even a little advice.

As a dominant I have seen and talked with a whole gambit of different submissives. Some are perfectly healthy normal people that happen to enjoy bdsm. But I would guess anywhere from 20 to 35% have some mental illness or trauma that they are dealing with.

Bdsm as a form of self harm.

You often hear about people with depression or anxiety disorders using self harm as a coping mechanism. This is obviously not healthy. If someone you know is depressed and is cutting themselves is that ok? Of course not. So why is it ok for them to get whipped and brused instead?

Knowing the true motivations of a submissive can make all the difference in the world. Do they want to get whipped because they enjoy it? Or is it a way to cover up haveing to feel depressed or dealing with trauma? These are the questions we need to understand as dominants. If you care about a submissive who is dealing with these issues our first reaction as dominants is to “fix” them. This almost never ends well. The best we can do to be in control of the situation is to help them find a good therapist and then support them or even reward them for doing well and makeing healthy choices. A sub that is feeling anxious or a little down and needs a spanking to help them focus is one thing… depression and anxiety disorders are another. Learn to recognize the difference. I myself will not allow myself to be used as a substitute for self harm. They often will just seek it from someone else who doesn’t care but they are adults and that is their choice to make. If they want help then I am here. And if they are more healthy mentally and still want to play i would enjoy that.

There are many within the lifestyle that have experienced clinical depression or traumatic events that have lead to mental health issues. I myself am one of them. The first thing to know is you can’t fix them. You can only fix yourself. The second thing is that you can absolutely make things worse. So if someone wants help.. great. Help them find it. If not… be wise enough to not make things worse.

Remember, take things slow.. get to know them before you play.. it supposed to be fun! Dont ruin it by jumping in before you know if there are sharks in the pool.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Zen and the art of Dominance

Student: “master? What is zen dominance?”

Master: “you will understand when you know the sound of one hand slapping ”

Student: “but master.. how can I…” *SMACK*

Student: *rubbing bruised ass* “oh…”

I know… I know… cheesey right? But before you smerk and go on to do something else.. stop and think for a moment.

The student just learned 3 things. Can you work out what they were?

Now.. while you twist your brain around trying to figure out what I might be getting at let’s talk about learning…. if you work through a problem yourself rather than just being told the answer are you more likely to remember and make use of it? Yes, of course. So why would teaching a submissive be any different? Now I know that this is probably one of the hardest ways for a dominant to teach, guiding a submissive in the direction you want them to go but not giving them the answer.

I know…. sometimes you just want to scream and smack them and show them exactly how to do it. But resist. Because you are a dominant, you are in control of yourself. Allowing a submissive to frustrate you into giving them the answer…. is that dominance? No. It’s not.

This kind of teaching can be overt.

(example)

Dom : “clean the dishes”

Sub : *washes the dishes and stacks them* “all done”

Dom : “wrong.” *smack* “do it right.”

Sub : *rewashes the dishes, drys them, puts them away*

Dom : “now you know how to do the dishes”

Or it can be manipulative and subtle.

(Example)

Dom : *does the dishes… badly. Leaves food stuck to the plates* “help me with the dishes will you?”

Sub : *eyes dirty dishes* “oh! Sir! Allow me to wash those from now on.”

Dom : “I will put away the dry ones..” *grabs a wet metal bowl, it slips and crashes to the floor makeing a horrendous racket*

Sub : “please allow me to do that for you sir” *rewashes dishes, dries them and puts them away*

Dom : *grins*

If you work out what the 3 things the student learned… let me know in the comments. *grin*

Idioms

To eat a big eyeball. -japanese idiom.

“To be punished or given the worst of something”

useage: oh! I am going to make you eat a big eyeball for that!

where the crawfish hibernate -russian idiom

“To punish in a mean way. Or to teach a hard lesson. ”

Useage: I will show you where the crawfish hibernate.

To have not become so famous -icelandic idiom

“To have not tried something yet”

Useage: A whiping cross? I have not become so famous.

You ate my ears -greek idiom

“Someone who talks to much or is pushy ”

Useage: that sub ate my ears.

The Stowick

This morning I was thinking about how I tend to ignore injury. This is great for getting work done, (unless your bleeding.. then its annoying to get blood on whatever your working on) but not giving yourself time to recover is a problem.

For me I think it started with my ribs. I had 2 of my lower ribs broken on the left side during sword training. I learned quickly to ignore the pain. Now I find that lesser injuries barely bother me. Oh shure.. I complain.. then I ignore them and get shit done. Not exactly conducive to good healing.

And that made me think about recovery time. This is something we all need, whether it be time to heal… quiet time to think.. or self care time. We all need this and allowing not only yourself but you partner the time they need to recover is an important facet of the lifestyle. I know I am guilty as sin of pushing myself when I probably shouldn’t. I think a lot of us are, both dom and sub. So talk to your partner. Let them know when you need to recover. And if you are asked for that time give it with a glad heart knowing that they are takeing that time so they will be better for you.

The path of Knowledge

It looks inviting and easy at a glance, this open road of opportunity..

Calm and flat, the path is clear at the start…

Then upward it climbs, steeper and narrower..

It forks and twists, which path is right? Which path not taken held jewels and gold..

Ever forward, through the brambles and thorns, upward beyond sight it stretches before you..

When legs falter you use a crutch, when the crutch brakes you crawl..

And then there is light, and rest…

Exhausted you lay in the meadow at the end of the path..

Each step now carved apon your skin..

The sun is warm, the air cool…

You pick yourself up, and now choose to make a way forward where there was none…

Knowing others will follow, and it is for them that you make the path..

Just as the path was made for you.

Best wishes to everyone and thanks for takeing the time to read. -SirHanz