Welcome back to the bdsm portion of my blog. For those of you just here for the poetry… read it anyway! You may learn something!
Anxiety… we all know it. And we all handle it in different ways. But if your a submissive.. there are more options than xanax. The endorphins released during an intensive play session or depending on the submissive… even a just a bit of impact play can do a lot for the alleviation of anxiety. This is often a case of not what you want… but what you need. And a good dominant will recognize the warning signs of building anxiety and work to head it off before it gets too bad.
But there will always be times when ether the dominant cant be there or for some reason is unaware of the submissives mental state. Its times like these when the sub is tested in not only their ability to communicate under duress but their ability to submit when their dominant is not present.
Let’s look at anxiety and its different forms. Low level anxiety is the kind you get when picking out cloaths for a first date. Or the little bit of stage fright when talking to a large crowd. This kind of low level anxiety is fairly common and easy to manage. In a bdsm dynamic some simple words of encouragement or a kind gesture can often elevate this type of anxiety. Mid level anxiety it what you may feel when your in a car wreck or just got arrested. Some people struggle with this kind of anxiety over simple (to the rest of us) decisions. Like what to have for dinner. Or what to wear. Haveing a dominant that can step in and make those decisions for them can give them a lot of peace of mind. Not only that they dont have to make the choice, but also the knowledge that if their anxiety starts to climb in the future the dom will be there to help. High level anxiety is a different beast all together. It can range from panic attacks to full blown inability to function on the most basic levels. This is usually a byproduct of trauma of some kind. Bdsm should never be used as a treatment for this kind of anxiety. However.. in combination with therapy, possibly medication, and other mental health tools… it can be an effective way to supplement that treatment. The mental health tools will help a submissive reduce the high anxiety to mid or low anxiety and the endorphins released through play may help further reduce their stress.
As with most things in bdsm communication is essential. If dropping your submissive into subspace can help hold off a panic attack then that’s something the submissive needs to communicate. If as a dom your not shure how a sub will react if you try to help alleviate anxiety with play, you could do harm instead of good. Many submissives deal with anxiety. Talk to them and find out what they know helps. And if they are not shure if something will help or not.. go slow. Baby steps. And constantly monitor and check in with them to find out if it is helping or makeing things worse.
Now let’s look at what you can do for a full blown panic attack. It will vary person to person but the skills a dom uses in aftercare are often vary effective in helping someone suffering from a panic attack. If possible talk to them and find out what they need in times like that well before it becomes necessary. And if they dont know then treat it like aftercare for an intence impact session. The idea is to refocus the mind away from what is causing the panic and onto something else. Anything you can do to help them focus on what they are seeing, hearing, feeling, tasteing.. will help draw the mind away from the panic. Unless you have experience with this I recommend only doing what the submissive asks or has asked of you. For some any kind of physical touch may only make the panic worse, some it will help. So be careful and know the sub well enough to be able to tell if something is helpful.
So to wrap up… anxiety is a bitch. We all get it. Some get it for reasons others dont. Bdsm or impact play can help some people. But it’s not a cure, it’s a bandage. It’s more important to get the submissive to work on the cause of the anxiety than to just manage it. But if they are or have worked on it and still struggle with anxiety then it can give a needed break from those feelings. Help them refocus, and allow them to think clearly enough to be able to deal with the stress in a healthy way. And that’s what this is all about. Finding healthy ways to deal with anxiety that make the submissive feel connected and cared for.
Best wishes -SirHanz