Usually people think one of two things about unicorns.

A. They dont exist

B. They are beautiful magical creatures

But I am here to give you the truth.. they do exist, they are magical, and they will fucking kill you.

First let’s cover the basics. Unicorns are predators. Ever wonder why they are so beautiful? Why they sparkle and glow? Its because they eat thousands of God dammed fairies. Entire populations… decimated by a single unicorn. They use this glamorous beauty to fool their pray into thinking they are harmless and gentle. They are not. Ever seen a unicorn? Of course not. Because your still alive. They dont leave witnesses.

Here is an example of what we see when we look at a unicorn.

Now here is an artist’s rendition of what unicorns actually look like. An artist must be used because their actual appearance doesn’t show up on film.

You really want to pet that?

They have even been known to travel in packs.

Now let’s learn a bit more about unicorns.

Unicorns are one of the few animals that also kill for sport. Thousands each year are wounded and killed by unicorn attacks. But no one knows because the victims, even if they live would never be believed.

We have always known about the unicorn menace. Some early historians even tried to warn future generations.

Here you can see that unicorns cant climb trees, thanks to brave historians we now have a method of escaping the stabbing devils. Run away whenever you can and immediately call the authoritys best equipped to handle a rampaging unicorn.

But if you get cornered without a tree to climb… remember to try to direct the head away from yourself by any means necessary.

And if by some miracle you do manage to down one of the beasts… they taste like rainbows because of all the fairies they consume.

So remember.. run if you see one. Do not try to pet or capture it. Climb a tree if you are able. Contact authoritys. And if you see the posted signs….

Turn around and walk away.

Saving the human race from the unicorn menace -SirHanz