The Slow Death

You can taste it..
In the back of your mouth,
The rancid bitterness,
That seeps beneath your skin,
The bile that stains your soul,
Leaving you unclean,
Dirty and forsaken..
Sickness oozing from dull gaze,
Eclipsing the light within,
Circling thoughts like ravens,
Omens of doom,
Jostling for still living offal..
Branches of memory lay stripped,
Their green and gold tattered,
Now the twist and gnarl of winter,
Brittle and easily lost..
Vains pumping viscous tar,
Regrets chokeing air from lungs,
Coughing up venomous words,
Poison apples coated in sugar..
It’s a slow death,
When emotions fester and rot,
The worm of fear,
Slowly devouring blackened soul,
Spreading its petulance,
Putrid tears spill into thirsty earth,
The inevitable pull,
The yawning maw of gray nothing,
Becomes the only path to travel.

😏 a bit of spooky writing to kick off the change in season.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Leaf

Expextations of emptiness,
Words like anvils,
Fall heavy,
Brused lips,
From holding them back,
A testament,
Of love,
Sadness boiling,
Even as hands toil,
Cannibalistic fear,
Threatening to devour,
Confidence,
Then everything stops,
As a falling leaf,
Catches fading light,
And turns to brilliant gold,
An entrancing reminder,
Of the amazing beauty,
Scattered,
Hidden,
Waiting to be found,
Forgotten peace,
Once again descends,
And for a moment,
A breath,
Your heart is free,
And once again,
Filled with hope.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Death and dismemberment… live at 10pm

Our world is interconnected on a level unprecedented in the history of the human race. This has created many good and amazing things. We exchange ideas with and learn from other cultures. We are able to speak to people all over the globe in an instant from wherever we are. We can enjoy places far away without ever leaving our home.

But there is a price. And you dont even realize your paying it. With knowledge comes responsibility. We are compelled to act by our own human nature to fix things that are unjust or cruel or heartbreaking. But here’s the catch. You cant fix it.

War, pain, death, sadness, cruelty, indifference, prejudice.. we are constantly bombarded with stories and images of these things happening here and across the world. Famine, suffering… we hear about these things every day. And somehow we have gotten it into our heads that suddenly our whole world is more dangerous and scary than it used to be. Well.. I have news for you. It has always been like this. You just didnt know. And now we hear about a lady out for a jog getting raped and suddenly think twice about going for a run. But is it any less safe now than before? I dont think it is. Now we simply know about all the crap that is happening in the world. But that has always been happening. It’s not new or different. But now that we know it creates anxiety and stress. We feel helpless at being unable to stop or fix things even though we have no power to do so.

This is the price. And for some it can be devastating. Good people that were joyful happy people now suffer fear and anxiety disorders because they cant help and dont feel safe anymore. They are no less safe than 20 years ago but now because of what we have seen and learned we feel like we are.

We need to learn to separate ourselves and our environment from what we see and hear in the news or read online. We need to rebuild the feeling of safety and freedom. But how do we do that?

Self care. Go for that run. Read a book. Sit on the porch with a cup of tea and listen to the sound of wind in the trees. Lay in the grass and watch the clouds. Take time to appreciate all the wonderful little things that you haven’t done in a long time because you were too busy or focused on things you cant change. When was the last time you felt the bark of a tree under your hands? Or watched the stars laying on the driveway in winter? Reconnect with your own world, and you will worry less about the world thousands of miles away.

I will leave you with this..

Ignorance may be bliss.. but we no longer have that luxury. So be aware of the price of knowledge and understand that things are no worse then when when you didnt know.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Fear

Fear is the mind killer…

The little death that brings total obliteration…

I will face my fear and let it pass through me…

Where it has gone there shall be nothing…

Only I will remain..

-Frank Hurbert

This one quote has gotten me through more tough situations than I can remember. Today I was thinking about fear..

Fear can be a tool, a weapon, or a poison.

It can warn us of danger, protect us, or cripple us.

For years my only mode of transportation was my motorcycle, inside my helmet I had written “pay attention or die” if ever there was a day when I didnt have a healthy fear of rideing then it was time to hang up my leathers for good. A healthy fear is based on the knowledge of danger. It keeps you alert and focused, so when the semi truck does not see you beside him on the overpass and decides to move over a lane you have that extra half second to gun the engine and get the hell out of the way. This is a rational fear, and is constructive.

Now we turn to the fear of the unknown. This one is baked into our very DNA. It is an evolutionary trait that has helped the human race survive. However, now that we are not hiding in a cave from the thing in the dark we must take a good hard look at our own fears and decide if we are ok with not learning or experiencing something because we dont understand it yet. Sometimes we can research, find more information and alleviate the fear. But other things must be experienced to be understood.

Lastly let’s talk about irrational fear. This is a big one. How do you explain irrational fear? It is by definition irrational! The answer is that irrational fear just doesn’t exist. There is ALWAYS a reason. Even if we dont know or understand why… the reason is there. Afraid of heights? Maybe you were tossed in the air as a child and it scared you enough that you now have a subconscious fear of falling. My point is that all fear comes from something. If this was not true then we would be born afraid of certain things… and we just aren’t.

So now that we understand fear a little better.. what do we do to control our fear? For that you need to just keep trying. It’s work. You keep trying different things until you find something that works. For me it was logic. But everyone is different, so what works for me probably isn’t the best choice for most others. Find what works for you.. and keep doing it. Do it so often that it becomes second nature and you dont even think about it anymore.

And then you wake up one day.. and the fear has passed through you.. and only you remain.

Best wishes -SirHanz