Today S imploded. Apparently the guilt of haveing me take care of her and get almost nothing in return was eating her up inside… and today it all came out. She said she is leaving me.

She said it’s not fair for me to be trying to find a good happy relationship while still haveing to take care of her. And I couldn’t disagree. But it’s more than that.. I am worried to death about her. Where will she go? What will she do? She said she wants to leave the house by the end of the week. But she has no where to go… I dont want this for her. I wanted to give her a chance to get better.. to be happy.. but she is determined. I hope I can convince her to stay long enough to at least come up with some kind of plan…… I am a wreck right now. It’s all too much.. to fast.. i want to cry but i am too much in shock i think. I just needed to get it out.. so here it is.. welcome to my own personal hell. Haveing to watch someone i care about and love implode their life for my benefit. Thanks…. just what I wanted.. for ANOTHER woman to leave me because I am “too good”.

I need a drink.

Edit… just managed to talk her into waiting a week before makeing any decisions about leaving the house. Hopefully that will give her time to think through the implications and make a more rational choice. *sigh* still need that drink.. I feel like hell.