Gestures

Sometimes it’s the little things that we treasure. If you are going on a date and the man brings you Roses.. that’s nice right? You put them in a vase on the table. Now imagine the same man shows up empty handed but while walking stops to pick a daisy and tucks it In your hair. What ment more to you? The roses? Or the daisy? What makes you smile and your heart flutter?
It is much the same in a D/s dynamic. It is the little things you do that make your partner feel safe, able to freely express themselves sexually or otherwise. It’s what we do to show we are thinking about our partners that makes us feel the most cared about. For example, a dom may show he or she is thinking about their sub by the planning and work they put into creating the right headspace for play. The sub meanwhile may show their care and devotion by makeing themselves appealing to the taste of their dom, or in the ways they allow their dom to exercise control over them. This will of course vary depending upon your personal preferences and the extent of your dynamic. But the thought is the same. Small gestures matter. Often more than we know. So make the effort, it costs you nothing.. and may mean everything to someone you care about.
I know the value of these things, and try to do little things to make shure the person I care about knows how much I value their attention and seek to allow them the opportunity to be happy and fulfilled. It is through my writing and my actions that I endeavor to make them feel wanted and appreciated. However.. there is a downside to this approach. The recipient of your attention needs to understand why you do the things you do and be open to the experience. If you stop to pick a flower while walking and the person your with gets annoyed that you are slowing them down…. not the best reaction huh? Or in a bdsm context if you have layed out toys and are waiting in cuffs when they walk in the door…. and they tell you to put that stuff away because they want dinner… can you say mood killer?
So be open to seeing what’s behind the words or actions. It’s not just a flower that you will have to pick out of your hair later. It’s a gesture that says “your beautiful, I want you to feel beautiful, I am constantly thinking of ways to show you that I love you, and I will spend a little more time to make shure you feel it.”

Best wishes -SirHanz

Careing and Love.

There will come a time in everyone’s life when the happiness of another is as important as your own.

Be it domanent or submissive each seeks at the most basic level the happiness of the other. This is both wonderful and dangerous. For it only works if both people care about the other as much as themselves. They keep their best interests in their heart and see constant reminders of the other in their every day life.

Be it the flowers in the store window that remind you that you want to do something nice for them. Or a glimpse of something that reminds you of shared happiness and connection.

Often people mistake careing for love. But there is a huge difference. Love is deeper, a burning need to share joy. And its absence can be physically painful. Careing is a choice. Sometimes care can turn into love, or love can inspire care. But it’s always a choice. If you choose not to do something for the one you love because of another commitment you are not any less in love. Or if you choose to do something nice for someone it doesn’t mean you love them.

See the difference? You can hope for someones happiness and want to help them but not be in love with them. And you can love someone and be unable to always show how much you care.

I felt it was important to make this distinction. If someone loves you and shows they care in whatever way, remember not to take that for granted. They have made the choice in that moment to choose you. That choice should be acknowledged and charished. And if they choose not to show in some way they care it does not mean they love you any less. That is also important to remember.

Care can come in many forms, sharing time is one. Doing things that will benefit the other, even small things like takeing out the trash or doing the dishes just so the other doesn’t have to. Be aware of the care around you. There is often more than you think. And if you are lucky enough to be loved, show them you care whenever you can. Even if it’s just a quick word or gesture. You never know when a small kindness will mean the world to them.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Update, situation stable

S finaly calmed down enough last night that we could talk as two adults. She agreed to stay in the extra room I have untill she can get up on her feet and move out. I am much relieved. It may not be ideal for ether of us but at least she is safe and fed.

On a brighter note… I found the antifreeze leak in the car finaly. Yay! Now just need to figure out the damm part number and find time to fix it lol. But at least things are moving in a positive direction.

Thanks again to all those that take the time to read my ramblings. It makes me feel like there are people out there that care about my life and writeing. You guys and ladies rule.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Heart of glass

I have always said I have a heart of glass..

Beautiful to hold, the rays of dawn scatter shining rainbows of light from your hands.

But cast it away… and it shatters.

I pick up the peaces, slowly putting it back together again. It’s never the same though. You never quite find all the pieces. A chip here.. a crack that doesn’t quite fit there..

It is still beautiful, maybe even more than when it was perfect. But it isn’t whole.

Each time it is cast away and broken.. the peaces fit back together a little less.. there are more cracks. It is no less shiny and the cracks make more rainbows than ever… but hold it carefully while we look for more broken pieces. There are edges that may cut your hand. Who would want such a damaged thing.. who would press it to their chest to keep it safe.. regardless of how sharp the edges are..

Not many I fear.. for there are less broken.. softer hearts..

Used… one heart of glass… free from original owner. Fragile, do not drop.

Implosion

Today S imploded. Apparently the guilt of haveing me take care of her and get almost nothing in return was eating her up inside… and today it all came out. She said she is leaving me.

She said it’s not fair for me to be trying to find a good happy relationship while still haveing to take care of her. And I couldn’t disagree. But it’s more than that.. I am worried to death about her. Where will she go? What will she do? She said she wants to leave the house by the end of the week. But she has no where to go… I dont want this for her. I wanted to give her a chance to get better.. to be happy.. but she is determined. I hope I can convince her to stay long enough to at least come up with some kind of plan…… I am a wreck right now. It’s all too much.. to fast.. i want to cry but i am too much in shock i think. I just needed to get it out.. so here it is.. welcome to my own personal hell. Haveing to watch someone i care about and love implode their life for my benefit. Thanks…. just what I wanted.. for ANOTHER woman to leave me because I am “too good”.

I need a drink.

Edit… just managed to talk her into waiting a week before makeing any decisions about leaving the house. Hopefully that will give her time to think through the implications and make a more rational choice. *sigh* still need that drink.. I feel like hell.

In silence

One of the great pleasures in life is just simply sitting quietly with someone you love.

Reading a book, sipping tea or coffee, no need to shatter the moment with words. The kind of comfortable silence in which everything that needs to be said can be expressed with a smile.

What makes such moments so beautiful is the knowledge that both people understand that it is a moment. It’s time to enjoy the closeness and company of someone you love.

It is a gift. Charish it and keep it in a loveing place in your memory.

Communication is important..

But sometimes it is more meaningful not to need to say anything at all.

Best wishes-SirHanz

A good talk.

Last night I had a good talk with S. she told me that she understood that due to her mental and physical health that she was unable to give me what I need in any kind of relationship. (Physical contact, a feeling of connection, a feeling of being cared for and loved) She said that she understood the sacrifice of caring for her but that she wanted me to be happy and feel loved. she knows that she cant give me that, not now and maybe not ever again. She encouraged me to find someone that would make me happy and that I could have that kind of connection with. She understood that her liveing with me complicates my haveing a relationship with someone else and she was apologetic about it. It was nice to feel validated and listened to. We still care about each other but I need to be happy again. It has been too long. haveing her give me that and saying she wants me to find that happiness again with someone else felt so liberating.

We talked for hours and realized that we both still loved each other but that was not enough. She needed space and time alone. She is going to work on getting help but thinks that it is unfair for me to be unhappy for who knows how long. We decided that we would not completely split up but that we would have an open relationship where I am able to see other people and find the kind of woman that could love me in the ways I need to be happy. And if they want we may turn it into some kind of poly dynamic. (Which may actually work because there would be no jealousy over physical affection, because S is not capable of giving me that.) Or depending on the wishes of whomever I meet we may just keep that relationship separate from what I have with S. It will depend a lot on the wishes of whomever I find of course. I dont want to put someone into a position where they feel uncomfortable, that kind of relationship would never last.

So there it is.. apparently I am looking for a unicorn. But at least I have hope. The day feels a little brighter (or maybe that’s just the sun trying to kill me) and I feel good for the first time in a long.. long.. time. I may never find my unicorn, but at least I dont feel any guilt anymore. And who knows.. there may just be someone out there who can accept me for who I am and show me what it feels like to be loved once more.

Thank you sunflower, you inspired me to be free.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Thank you sir.

I was picking up groceries last night and talking with the cute checkout girl. As I turned to leave she said “Thank you sir”. I’m shure it didnt mean anything to her but it got me thinking about gratitude.

Gratitude is incredibly important in any relationship. And a D/s dynamic is no different. The submissive must feel heard and appreciated. And the dominant must feel that the sub is happy with their dynamic and thankful for all their care and effort.

I feel this is often overlooked in any relationship. We do a lot for our partners and a thank you definitely helps to let us know that it was effort well spent. But dont stop there.. it is just as important to SHOW your partner that you are thankful. Saying “thank you” or “that ment a lot to me” is definitely something you should do, but if you hear it all the time without any action attached to it… it tends to mean less and less over time.

So thank you dear readers. It means a lot to me that you take the time to read my blog. And to show you how much I appreciate it.. here is a naughty picture. Enjoy.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Good… honorable..

I love you… those three little words can fill up the whole of the world. There is so much meaning wrapped up in them. It is concent and want and need all wrapped up in a smile that makes your heart want to leap from your chest. But what happens to those words when everything you would expect to come with them is taken away.. and they still say the words..

A gentle wind that slowly hollows you out from within.

At first you try to make things better, to fix things.

Then you give them whatever they ask for in the hope that one day those words will mean more.

And you give them time.. time to sort things out.. time to cope with things.. time to get better..

At first you dont even notice.. then days pass.. then weeks.. then months..

You begin to ache for the love you are denied.

Each day the tiniest bit of your own love dies.

But you are good.. honorable.. they asked you to wait.. to give them space to find themselves again, and so you wait..

A year pass.. loneliness slowly erodes the mountain of will. Selfish acts and bitter words that were small things before.. easily forgiven, now sting and leave behind poisonous bitterness. But you are good.. honorable.. and refuse to abandon hope.

Another year… loneliness turns to sadness.. things you used to enjoy, that made you feel alive… now crumble like dried leaves in your hands.. all the pain.. sacrifice.. now feels unappreciated. some days are better, some worse.. but you are good.. honorable.. and though hope is gone.. you will not turn away. You still do what you can to help.. to make things a little better, to show you still care..

Another year.. you are tired. Battle weary.. moving on autopilot with rare moments of wakefulness.. one act of love, purely for the sake of love.. would bring you back to life, give you strength.. but you receive nothing.

Hollow… a walking shell of good.. honorable.. man.

To Approach or to be Approached

A thought struck me as I was in the shower this morning. Part of the problem when looking for a submissive or dominant is the approach.

When looking for a dominant or a submissive it varies wildly person to person if they prefer to approach a potential partner or if they would rather be approached. There are good arguments for both on the sub and dom sides.

From the sub side, waiting for a dom to approach you makes you feel submissive as the dom is in control of if and when they choose to speak to you. On the other side though… you are forcing a dom to come to you if they want to talk. Is that submissive? Shouldn’t you be the one to approach the dom and offer conversation? This gives the dom the power to accept or decide without being forced to come to you.

See? Good arguments for both.

From the dom side, approaching a potential partner let’s you feel in control and shows them you are confident. On the other side… waiting to be approached shows you are comfortable with who you are and a potential partner needs to show that they are interested in submitting to you before you consider that.

Different styles for different doms.

I myself find that I prefer a sub to be the one to approach me. It shows interest and a willingness to serve before the first word is said. Some think of this as acting aloof, but to me if a submissive is not willing to pluck up their courage and talk to me then they probably are a passive not an active submissive and that’s not what I am looking for.

What about you? Where do you fall on this spectrum? I am curious to know what side your on and your reasons behind it.

Best wishes -SirHanz