Update, situation stable

S finaly calmed down enough last night that we could talk as two adults. She agreed to stay in the extra room I have untill she can get up on her feet and move out. I am much relieved. It may not be ideal for ether of us but at least she is safe and fed.

On a brighter note… I found the antifreeze leak in the car finaly. Yay! Now just need to figure out the damm part number and find time to fix it lol. But at least things are moving in a positive direction.

Thanks again to all those that take the time to read my ramblings. It makes me feel like there are people out there that care about my life and writeing. You guys and ladies rule.

Best wishes -SirHanz

The longest week

Let me introduce you to the main person this story revolves around… we will call her “L” …

L lived in a house.. it was a nice house much like any other on her street. It had a yard with dogs that played, a big closet that she vary much liked. And a small box.. hidden in a drawer. Now L herself if you were to ask her neighbors.. was a vary nice and respectable lady. She dressed nicely and took vary good care of her garden. But L had a secret that no one knew.. not the postman.. not the elderly couple next door.. and definitely not the kids that played outside in the street.

L… in her own words.. unspoken of course because she was a lady after all.. “needed a good hard.. ruin the sheets..wake the dogs.. fucking.” Ahem.. but as I said.. she was a lady and would never say so.

And that brings us to today. Today L was on the phone.. legs spread.. dress hiked up.. with her fingers deep inside herself… right in the middle of her kitchen table. You see L had a *cough* friend… that helped her to as she put it .. “take the edge off”. This friend.. we will call him… “Sir” had given her a task for the week. Every day that week she was to answer the phone when he called and go to the box in the drawer. She was to open the box and choose a toy of the adult variety and then proceed to use it apon herself while they talked on the phone. But there was a catch. She was not allowed to cum for a whole week.

” Alass.. poor L. ” she thought to herself..What would she do? Sir called.. she played with herself oh.. that part was good.. he was ever so caring.. and gave her many naughty thoughts while she rubbed this toy or that inside and around.. oh! But she wanted it soo badly! Worse than the time she had wanted a pony for her birthday as a teen.

But wait! It was sunday! The week was done! Sir was telling her to do such naughty things to please herself.. she liked to pretend that she didn’t like it. But L knew deep down that sir’s voice made her heart tremble.. and she would do anything.. if only for one more word..

L did as inspired by the gentle voice through the phone.. faster.. harder.. the table was slick with her juices, the dark cherry finish looking like walnut in the dim light. Suddenly Sir’s voice.. barely a whisper.. but with the weight of hours apon hours spoke directly into her ear. “Cum for me L”..

Little L looked like a rag doll being shaken by doberman. Her arms flailed her legs locked around the rounded edges of the table. Her cries of pleasure probably woke the elderly couple next door Sir thought in amusement. After a full five minutes L was finaly able to pick up the phone from where she had dropped it. “Same time tomorrow? ” she asked hopefully..

There was a laugh on the other end of the connection.. “why you little minx.. I will be home from work In a few hours.. we can play then.”

Best wishes.. -Sir*cough*Hanz.

Black and white

She smelled him before she saw him.. juniper oil and sawdust.. she smiled and relaxed as he slid into to the booth across from her. The rain was heavy on the window next to them and he had to raise his voice to be heard over the downpour. “Did I keep you waiting long?” She shook her head no, her freshly cut blonde hair bouncing side to side. He could smell her perfume with her movement.. she smelled like something foriegn, exotic… He looked her over appraiseingly, her white dress was tight… The black corset hugging her waist drawing the eye inevitably to its curves…

His throat was suddenly vary dry.. “what is a good drink on a rainy day?” He asked, trying to pull his eyes from her captivating form. She smiled again.. her eyes sparkling with mischief. She looked strait into his eyes and slowly ran her tounge across ruby lips.. “I would like something… ” she let the pause draw out and her chest lifted slightly with her intake of breath… “…. warm…” the word hung in the air, seeming to drift from her lips ever so slowly.

He smiled.. now seeing her game.. “oh.. but I think all the drinks here are cold.. would you like to find someplace better?” Her lips curled into a grin. “I bet you would like that.. wouldn’t you….”

He shrugged casting a sidelong glance at her lithe form. “I dont know.. you sound like you may want to stay..” she pouted, pretending to be hurt. “Your mean sir…. you know how much I have looked forward to this..” He laughed and caught her chin with his hand as he slid into her side of the booth. “mean am I?” Her sharp intake of breath at his touch brought a faint blush to her cheeks. She could feel her heart quicken and tried to suppress a shiver. “Yes sir… you are mean. To make a lady wait and….” He kissed her, cutting off her words. Her body was electric… every nerve catching fire..eyes glazed.. thought stoped.. she could feel the heat of his body pressed tight agenst her as he gently bit her lip and pulled away. “What was that? I didnt quite catch the ending..” her eyes snapped to his.. blue.. with bits of gray.. “we.. need to go… ” she hesitated… “please..”

He wraped his coat across her shoulders as he helped her up from the booth. Still slightly unsteady but determined not to show it she grabbed a hair band from her purse and pulled her hair back to keep it from being ruined by the rain. He just watched.. smirking at her worrying over a little water when she knew what awaited her at their destination. Or.. she thought she did…

Her heels made little splashes as she hurried through the rain, his gaze travelled slowly up her legs as he followed… the rain was warm.. he was in no hurry. She stood beside the car looking annoyed at his pace. “Hurry up! I am getting soaked out here!” In two strides he closed the gap between them and pressed her into the wet body of the car. His breath was hot in her ear as he leaned forward and spoke quietly “I like it.. when your all wet.” Then he was gone.. where was he? The door lock clicked and the window rolled down. “How long where you planning to stand in the rain?” He was in the car.. how had he.. but just a moment ago.. or was it? Her thoughts were confused.. she looked down at herself, she was soaked. Mumbleing apologizes for the water she quickly got into the car. His eyes were dancing..”wouldn’t be the first time you got my car all wet.” She bit her lip and looked out the window to hide her blush. “I am shure I dont know what your talking about.”

He just chuckled softly as they drove through the dimming light… soon they had arived, the house was lit by tiny lights as he led her to a room she had never been in before. He stoped in front of the large oak door and turned to her. “Beyond this door is everything you have ever wanted.” He gently placed a hand in the small of her back.. pulling her close… there was that smell again.. that intoxicating sent of clove and vanilla.. yes.. that was it. “You know the price… ”

Her hand shook as she placed it on the knob and turned, the room was dark but for a single light Shining in the center of the room. In the light hung a chain… then the light was gone.

He quickly tied the band of black silk around her head, his hands worked quickly… first the blindfold.. then her hands were pulled behind her and they too were bound.

She could smell the juniper oil he he shaved with as he took her by the arm and pulled her to the center of the room

He looked at her.. standing there in the light.. she was so beautiful.. and tonight.. he would make her believe that she was. “Spread.. your.. legs..”

His words sent a rush through her as she stood in her private darkness. Slowly she did as she was told and felt the cool weight of metal around her ankles. There was a click and a rattle of chain.. her wrists were pulled upward, bending her forward at the waist.. she tried to pull her feet together to steady herself but something prevented it. “What are you doing?” She whispered into the dark..

“You are beautiful..” the sound of his voice was close to her. She shook her head no. “I am not sir.” She felt his hand caressing her leg. It felt so sexy as she hung helpless in her darkness.

He pulled back from her and opened a box by the wall. Something simple he thought.. something heavy.. he removed the paddle made of oakheart from the box and felt its heft. Yes… this will do. He turned to her, raising the paddle over his head “you are beautiful. ” his arm fell..

She jerked and cried out at the unexpected pain.. her ass throbbed from the blow.. so did other parts.. she heard his voice again.. “you are beautiful. ” again the pain.. her whole body felt the impact, her arms pulled against the binding.. “you are beautiful. ” pain lanced through her.. she could no longer hold her voice back and a soft cry escaped into her personal night. “You are beautiful ” now it felt like fire… she burned.. the echo of a scream ripped itself from her lungs.. she hung there.. sobbing softly.. “you are beautiful. ” it hurt worse.. her body jerked and twisted trying to escape the pain.. “oh God! Please! It hurts!” Her skin felt raw.. “you are beautiful ” her mouth opened in a silent scream.. her chest heaved trying to find breath..

Suddenly the darkness was gone.. before her was a woman.. her mouth crimson, slightly open as if in invitation… the womans eyes shining with a need so intense it pierced her soul.. this woman.. was everything she wanted to be.. this woman was ravishing.. and… beautiful.

He slowly stepped out from behind the mirror.. “now you see through my eyes.. you are beautiful in all your forms.. from you mind to your body to your heart.” He walked behind her so she could see him in the mirror. She whispered “I am beautiful…” a single tear slowly made it’s way to rest like a diamond on her cheek.

She saw him behind her.. felt his hands slide up her legs and lift her skirt.. her legs shook with need as she watched him grab hold of her hips in the mirror.

“Say it.” He growled, leaning over her to slip a hand beneath her breast. “I am beautiful ” she moaned as she felt him slide deeply inside her. He took her hard and fast, pushing her against her bonds.. her gasping crys echoed in the room.. her eyes never leaving the mirror. “Oh God! Please sir! Please.. i.. need… ” her voice was ragged and her breath was a gasp that flushed her cheeks. “What are you?” He asked.. holding her right on the edge of oblivion. “I AM BEAUTIFUL! ” she screamed as he pushed himself hard within her sending her cascading over the edge. Her body.. her beautiful body.. clamped down on him as pleasure roared through her vains… his heat filled her, his hands gripping her thighs.. holding her tight against him.

He slowly withdrew, savoring every touch.. he undid her bindings and stood her up before him. His hand cupped her cheek and he softly kissed her. “You are extraordinary.. and you deserve to see yourself as I do.” He said as he held her close to him supporting her.

She buried her head in his chest and wept… she could see… no false modesty.. no shame at her imperfections.. she was beautiful..

🌻

Best wishes -SirHanz

An open letter to myself.

I have never been able to separate myself, my life, or my honor from love. I dont know if it was how I was raised or if it’s just the way I am, but when I love.. you get everything that I am. I love with my whole heart, I dont understand how I could do anything less.

I also understand how dangerous this is. Especially knowing how easy it is for me to fall in love. Both a blessing and a curse. The curse is that because I give the whole of myself when I love, when that love is broken… i suffer. The blessing is that it feels amazing to love without restraint. To feel joy when your love feels joy.

Knowing myself i am vary careful with who i trust and let in. The potential for being hurt is vary high and I will avoid that at all cost, unless i find someone who is worth possibly paying that cost. I am not rich, i make a living and work hard to do so. I am not handsome (at least i dont think i am.)

What I do have is intelligence, kindness, a good sence of humor, and the ability to love without limit. (Often to my own detriment).

I am a good man. Who would give just about anything to make the woman he loves happy.

If your reading this future me.. I hope you have found someone who loves you as deeply and fiercely as the love you give. If you have, I am proud of you. You are a lucky bastard and deserve nothing less. And if your still looking, I am sorry.. I know how lonely you are even if your happy. Dont give up hope.. the world is a big place. Keep looking untill you find her. You will know when you do. We both know how.

Oh.. one more thing.. dont forget me. I am a lesson from the past.. on how you were hurt and how to try to keep moving forward. Even if your alone.. I need to know your ok. You probably are.. but let me know. It doesn’t need to be anything big. Just post a picture with a genuine smile, or hopefully one with whom we love.

Thanks me. Best of luck. -SirHanz

Tea

Usually I love tea… but today.. even my morning tea seems off.. different. I hold the cup in my hands.. the gentle aroma steaming upwards, i go to enjoy that smell i love and i doesn’t smell right. I cant put my finger on it.. it’s the same as it always was but something in me is different. I take a sip, not waiting for it to cool and again.. different. Not worse.. just not what i am use to. I wonder what else will feel different today. I wonder if this is how soldiers feel when they come back home. It’s all the same.. but not. Or maybe it’s like getting a new pair of glasses. You see the same things but they look different than what your use to.

Have to go to work soon. Hopefully the calm of the temple and forest will soothe the fraying mind.

Heart of glass

I have always said I have a heart of glass..

Beautiful to hold, the rays of dawn scatter shining rainbows of light from your hands.

But cast it away… and it shatters.

I pick up the peaces, slowly putting it back together again. It’s never the same though. You never quite find all the pieces. A chip here.. a crack that doesn’t quite fit there..

It is still beautiful, maybe even more than when it was perfect. But it isn’t whole.

Each time it is cast away and broken.. the peaces fit back together a little less.. there are more cracks. It is no less shiny and the cracks make more rainbows than ever… but hold it carefully while we look for more broken pieces. There are edges that may cut your hand. Who would want such a damaged thing.. who would press it to their chest to keep it safe.. regardless of how sharp the edges are..

Not many I fear.. for there are less broken.. softer hearts..

Used… one heart of glass… free from original owner. Fragile, do not drop.

Drunk blogging!

Wow. I feel so much better! The only downside so far is I am almost out of vodka. Have to switch to rum soon. So what shall I drunk blog about. Wana see a dick pic?

Hahahahaha… yah.. you know that shits funny. What else have I got horded away for a special occasion.. oh I know.. how bout an awsome picture of cookie! Yay doggies!

Hehe.. lion dog.

I went to a family reunion last year and we rode these around the town by the beach in Oregon!

Dont ever ride them. They will murder your legs. *sigh* family.. I guess I dont have one of those anymore. Plus now I have to tell all the relatives that we are not together anymore. Well.. at least we were not married so no leagal divorce necessary.

I need to cheer up. Let’s look at more pictures. Here is one of me and my favorite uncle! (Currently battling cancer. I wish him all the blessings I can to get better soon.)

Oh! I have a second cousin on moms side that is an amazeing clay sculptor and artist.

That’s a tea pot!

Why does hostess make snowballs blue? Is it funny? Blue balls? Yah.. it’s funny.

Ha! Me in winter fuzzy hat! Cant be sad in a fuzzy hat!

Ok.. time for another drink then maybe sleep. Drunk blogging on 4 hours sleep after haveing your woman leave you cuz your “too good” is probably a bad idea. Fun now though. 😁

Implosion

Today S imploded. Apparently the guilt of haveing me take care of her and get almost nothing in return was eating her up inside… and today it all came out. She said she is leaving me.

She said it’s not fair for me to be trying to find a good happy relationship while still haveing to take care of her. And I couldn’t disagree. But it’s more than that.. I am worried to death about her. Where will she go? What will she do? She said she wants to leave the house by the end of the week. But she has no where to go… I dont want this for her. I wanted to give her a chance to get better.. to be happy.. but she is determined. I hope I can convince her to stay long enough to at least come up with some kind of plan…… I am a wreck right now. It’s all too much.. to fast.. i want to cry but i am too much in shock i think. I just needed to get it out.. so here it is.. welcome to my own personal hell. Haveing to watch someone i care about and love implode their life for my benefit. Thanks…. just what I wanted.. for ANOTHER woman to leave me because I am “too good”.

I need a drink.

Edit… just managed to talk her into waiting a week before makeing any decisions about leaving the house. Hopefully that will give her time to think through the implications and make a more rational choice. *sigh* still need that drink.. I feel like hell.

How to pickle anything.

Who doesn’t like pickles? There are sweet ones and sour ones.. hot ones and mild ones.. crunchy or soft.. they can be whatever your craving.

But you dont get that in the store. They have you fooled! They tell you pickling is hard. They are soooo lieing to you. You can pickle just about anything in 20min or less. And depending on the density of what your makeing they can be ready to eat in an hour for soft things or a day or two for hard things.

Ok.. so gather round and let’s all kick those liars in the sack and make way better pickles than you can buy.

Step 1. Ingredients.

Depending on the flavors you want you can add all kinds of things to your mix but some things always stay the same.

1. Water.

2. Vinager. (Most use just standard white vinegar, but you can sub in any vinegar to change the flavors. Or even make a custom mix of different vinegars! )

3. Salt. (Pickleing salt is best but any salt will work just fine.)

4. Sugar. (Regular white sugar.)

Ok.. so those are the basics of the brine. The different amounts will vary depending on what your pickleing and how you want it to taste. But I will start you out with a simple cucumber brine and then show you how you can modify it.

First you will need a pot for the brine and a jar with a lid. Any big jar with a lid that seals will work. Just make shure it is well washed.

Into the pot…

Four cups water.

One and a half cups vinegar.

3 tbsp salt.

Half cup suger.

That’s it. Simple right?

Now just set it up to boil and stir occasionally.

Now slice up your cucumber and stuff the jar with em till it is half full.

Now you can add stuff to change the flavors. I like spicy pickles so I add 2 sprigs of dill, a few pepper corns and a habanero pepper with a slice down both sides. (Dont cut it in half. Just slice the sides and pop the whole thing in.)

Now pack the rest of the cucumber in up to about half an inch from the top of the jar.

Is the brine boiling? Great! Now slowly pour it into the jar untill it just covers the top cucumbers.

Put the lid on.

Done….. seriously.. that’s it. Just let it cool to room temp then pop it in the fridge. (You do need to refrigerate)

Wait about 2 hours and your pickles are ready to eat. You will also notice over the next couple days those little fuckers will continue to develop flavor and they will get better and better.

Now let’s look at picking other stuff.

What realy matters is how hard it is (I see you back there snickering…) and how spicy it is.

Harder things.. (carrots for example) take longer to pickle and need a little more vinegar and salt. (Experiment! Test out small batches untill you find the ratio you like best!) It also helps to ether slice them thin or into little sticks. Smaller pieces pickle faster. Hard things also take vary well to spicy flavors so dont be afraid to add a sliced pepper or two.

Spicy things like ginger or jalapeno peppers take more vinegar and sugar. (You can also add a generous pinch of oregano to balance any bitterness)

And that’s it! Now go pickle the shit out of everything in the crisper drawer! And never buy crappy pickles again.

Best wishes -SirHanz

In silence

One of the great pleasures in life is just simply sitting quietly with someone you love.

Reading a book, sipping tea or coffee, no need to shatter the moment with words. The kind of comfortable silence in which everything that needs to be said can be expressed with a smile.

What makes such moments so beautiful is the knowledge that both people understand that it is a moment. It’s time to enjoy the closeness and company of someone you love.

It is a gift. Charish it and keep it in a loveing place in your memory.

Communication is important..

But sometimes it is more meaningful not to need to say anything at all.

Best wishes-SirHanz