Holding the ashes,
Of what once was,
Woodsmoke,
Memory of winter fire,
Leading me home,
With burning face,
Numb hands in mittens,
To warm soup,
Fresh bread from the oven,
Butter melting,
Hot molasses milk,
To drink slowly,
Siting by the fire…
And now..
Sifted in the wind,
Blows the burned remains,
Of childhood memory,
Invoked once again,
By the danceing flame.
Dreaming of better days,
Memories of days long past,
Vivid and haunting,
Colliding with future hopes,
A kaleidoscope of images,
Possibility sparkles,
Mixed with regret,
From past choices,
careing to much,
Sacrifice unseen,
Unappreciated…
I dont bleed for glory,
Or for praise or profit,
But for love,
Yes for love…
And all I ever wanted,
Was for my martyrs heart,
To be seen,
Though scared and burned,
Charished,
And held gently…
Sitting with my thoughts,
Listening to the rain,
Older.. wiser…
Bitter lessons learned,
Hardened by life,
Constant struggle and work,
Trauma and pain…
Becomeing what I am,
Forsaken time and again,
Used and broken,
A soiled soul,
Needing to be needed,
Desiring to be desired,
Both the light,
And the shadow…
So I ask myself,
Am I worthy?
I dont have an answer.
Best wishes -SirHanz
Remembered forgotten things,
Obscured by life,
Dulled by the new,
Bright and shiny..
Slowly covered with dust,
Pushed farther back,
Into dim recesses,
Untill a stray thought,
While rummaging,
Through forgotten time,
Tips it out of the atic…
Stooping down,
Brushing away cobwebs,
Its bright and vivid once more,
Smileing at the memory,
Of feelings and joy,
I set it on the shelf once more,
There for all to see.
Best wishes -SirHanz
Laying in bed after a nap, cool sheets and soft blanket lull me in and out of sleep,
Outside even the cicadas are quiet, as I remember what it felt like to be loved,
The happy smile apon seeing my face,
A hug that felt so warm and comforting,
Joyous conversations,
A teaseing word or gesture makes the heart race and head feel light,
Hunger in her eyes that says “I love you, I want you, I need you”,
The kiss that thrills,
The kiss that says thank you.. for being you,
The kiss that promises more,
The kiss that says “I love you, goodnight”,
Love notes and poetry,
Random gifts just to see the other smile,
Holidays filled with care and affection,
A cool glass of water as I work in the heat,
A warm cup of tea as I work in the winter,
Cold nights and campfires, snuggled close,
Laughing at our own clumsiness,
Praising the others success,
The first sleepy “good morning”,
All this.. in a gentle touch.. and the whispered words.. “I’m in love with you”.
I remember.. how could I forget..
But it has been a long.. long time.. since I felt it.
Best wishes-SirHanz
Knotty Thoughts 