Thank you,
For calling my name,
When you wanted to run,
When it was too much,
When the pain was to real,
Thank you,
For letting it be me,
That wrapped you in my arms,
That lifted you up,
That kissed your tears,
Thank you,
For allowing yourself to rest,
For not letting go,
For letting me watch over you,
Thank you,
For calling my name.
Best wishes -SirHanz
Laying in bed after a nap, cool sheets and soft blanket lull me in and out of sleep,
Outside even the cicadas are quiet, as I remember what it felt like to be loved,
The happy smile apon seeing my face,
A hug that felt so warm and comforting,
Joyous conversations,
A teaseing word or gesture makes the heart race and head feel light,
Hunger in her eyes that says “I love you, I want you, I need you”,
The kiss that thrills,
The kiss that says thank you.. for being you,
The kiss that promises more,
The kiss that says “I love you, goodnight”,
Love notes and poetry,
Random gifts just to see the other smile,
Holidays filled with care and affection,
A cool glass of water as I work in the heat,
A warm cup of tea as I work in the winter,
Cold nights and campfires, snuggled close,
Laughing at our own clumsiness,
Praising the others success,
The first sleepy “good morning”,
All this.. in a gentle touch.. and the whispered words.. “I’m in love with you”.
I remember.. how could I forget..
But it has been a long.. long time.. since I felt it.
Best wishes-SirHanz
Ever met an angel? You probably have and never knew.
I will let you in on a little secret. Angels are dicks. Now let me be clear here… I am not talking about the whole “messenger of god” type of angel. You dont meet those. They tend to stay wherever they come from. No.. the angels on earth are the fallen.
But wait.. wouldn’t that make them demons? No.. they where not so bad as to get cast into hell, but neither were they good enough to stay where they come from. You will notice I dont say heaven.. that’s because I have no idea where they come from.. and they ain’t talking.
So back to earthbound angels. Tell me.. even if you are basically vary good… if you are trapped with humans for eternity or untill something kills you.. what do you do? Well… you get vary… vary…. board. And what do board Angels do? They screw with people for no other reason than they can, and that it amuses them.
It’s not always malicious, sometimes they help people get what they think they want. Sometimes that’s great… sometimes it turns into a God dammed nightmare. That’s the thing though, they dont care if it turns out good or bad. They just spin the wheel and want to see what happens. We are the greatest interactive TV show ever.
I can hear you thinking it. “But if they do things that turn out bad… wouldn’t they be bad?” I will answer that in two ways. First, they gave you want you wanted, that in itself is good not evil. It comes down to intent. They had no intention of hurting you. If it happens to work out that way, not their fault. Free will is a bitch. Second, if you watch a horror movie, are you evil? No? Well that’s how they see us. Sometimes a comedy, sometimes a tragedy, always entertaining.
So yah.. dicks. Not because they would set you on fire. But because they would much rather watch you burn than put you out. Or they may put you out just to see how you act now that your all covered in burns.
At least with demons you know where you stand. Them, evil. Us, good. No far flung plans just to see us squerm. They just want to hurt us, make us suffer. And while they are a whole big dufflebag of assholes and hate… at least they are strait up evil. Angels? Who knows…
So it’s best to steer clear…. unless you cant. And that’s where I come in. I have the dubious honor of being able to see them for what they are. And they know it. And because of that they have tormented me. For you see, there are not many that can see them for what they are. And when they find someone who can.. it’s like the best toy ever. Just because its different from all the other toys.
They tormented me growing up, and of course no one believes a child that says angels are makeing his life hell. And that just amused them even more. I grew up.. and I tried to run. To get away from being constantly toyed with. It didnt work, they always found me.
Finally.. as I was nearing the end of my sanity I found a book. Old.. filled with blasphemous ramblings of an insane monk. The leather cover was scared and burned like it had at some point been set on fire. Pages yellow with age and ink faded almost to nothing. But in it.. there was a secret. Angels bound to the earth.. while hard to kill.. could die. And it told how to do it.
First you needed a demon. Only they knew how to make the poison that could weaken them.. make them mortal. Its actually much harder to find a demon than you may think. We humans are capable of some pretty horrific things all on our own. One out of a hundred thousand cruel and evil people is actually a demon. And its usually not the one you would suspect.
For me it was the 2643rd truly rotten individual that I found that turned out to be the real deal. And whew… she was a piece of work. Hidden in plain sight, English teacher at a highschool. Yup.. you always think your English teacher was evil. Just so happens this one actually was.
She was sleeping with her students and a few adults. Male and female, but only those that were in good relationships. And then blackmailing them, using them and finally destroying Their faith in love. Ripping apart their relationship, isolating them from their frends and family. Oh yah.. she was real all right. And all I had to do to get her to give up the poison was hang around attracting angels.
Demons by their vary nature are full of passion and emotion. Shure it’s a passion for corruption and evil.. but it’s still passion. Angels on the other hand, are cool and calm. Unflappable self confidence and easy charm. And demons… hate that. Angels dont actually give two craps about what demons do. But the reactions of people being tortured by a demon are amusing to them. And demons hate them even more for being used for entertainment.
She gave me the poison. Even told me the secret to makeing it. All you needed to make more was a burned angel feather. But here’s the catch. Angels only drop their fathers when they die. And I hand just enough of the poison for one dose. I had to make it count.
All those years of torment. Of hearing them whisper that it was ok.. they would help me. And then doing nothing as my life feel apart again and again under their influence. Trying to drive me to madness.. or death. You may think I may be mad, that there are no angels.. or demons. That this is all the raveling of a demented mind. Your half wrong. I may be twisted and a bit broken, but its because of them. And they are vary real.
It was one of the ones who tormented me as a child that found me in the empty warehouse. A splash of poison and a quick thrust of the blade… I didnt know Angels could scream. It was like no sound and all sound. A perfect b minor like the ringing of a glass bowl. And then it was done. Silence… before my eyes he slowly began to turn white. Like chalk given form. I quickly bent and snatched two fethers from his wing before they to were changed to white dust. And then he was gone.. the slightest breeze carried the dust away. No trace.. but for the two fethers I clutched in my hand.
One fether I burned to make more poison, the other I stitched into the lining of my coat. I learned something that night. If i wanted to take a fether, I had to be close. No poisoned bullet or arrow. They would be dust before I got to them.
Years past.. then a decade.. the Angels tormented me no longer. No… now they feared me. They made me what I am, and one by one.. they paid for it. Oh.. they tried to fight, to hunt me down. But that takes focus. And they are easily distracted. And they were afraid.
It was in New York where they finaly made their stand. They used one of their own as bait In the train yard. It smelled like a trap but I was not going to just walk away. The angel was in the back of a train car. I could see the fear emanating from him as I slipped inside. He held a spear before him.. he smirked, still arrogant even now. I knew closing with a spear in a tight space would not be the smartest move. But I needed to be quick. No long drawn out fight.
The backpack felt heavy over my coat but i knew it was worth it. I reached back and unhooked a pair of throwing knives. In one motion my arms snapped forward losing them to the wind. He could only block one. He understood that a moment too late. The unblocked blade found his throat. I knelt over him as his features turned that chalky white and began to erode away. Two fethers.. as always, slipped inside my coat.
There was noise behind me, I didnt turn around. I knew they may try something like this. I could barely hear them as they entered the car but their weight reverberated through the steel beneath me. I felt their footsteps through my hand as I braced myself still kneeling at the back of the car. Closer… closer.. more feet.. how many were there? They were yelling something I couldn’t make out but they were close enough that it no longer mattered.
My free hand slapped my chest, connecting the circuit. A small electric charge flew through the strap of my pack and into what waited within. A claymore mine. Strapped to shock absorbers and a steel plate. The noise was deafening. Even braced as I was I still felt the Impact as thousands of metal flechettes coated in poison roared through the boxcar. There was pain in my wrist as I stood and turned. I removed my earplugs as I surveyed the damage. White powder covered everything. There must have been over a dozen. The front two thirds of the car was now a solid white and looked like a kitchen strainer.
There were two left. They rounded the corner of the car and saw me standing amidst the devastation. They must have been outside when I triggered it. Maybe lookouts or guards. They gaped.. “blasphemous! You will pay for what you have done!” Screamed one of them. I sighed and opened my coat. The lineing was a brilliant white, layer apon layer of angelic feathers stitched inside. One from every angel I had put down. I was in no mood for a fight. My whole body ached from the blast.
My voice was quiet but it echoed in the confines of the car “walk away… my coat I warm enough”. As I sit writing this in my tiny loft apartment, nursing a broken wrist and a cup of coffee I have to be a bit grateful that they ran. I’m not shure I could have taken them in the state I was in. Every movement was pain. Even weeks later as I sit here I still have pulled muscles and a knee so brused I am walking with a cane.
I write this now because I know I am safe for a while. Those two will tell others.. who will tell more. They will tell of the man with a coat filled with death. And they will warn them to stay far away from him. For now.. I can rest. And maybe if another who is tortured and tormented finds my words it may give them hope.
Signed- In Nomine
So… I have been given a lot of inspiration to write lately and want to give some back.
I know there are quite a few poets and writers that read my blog and to them I issue the following challenge.
I will write a verse from the male perspective. Take what I have written and rewrite it from the perspective of the female character. I will set the stage, you get to get inside her head and decide what the experience is like from the other side. Ether post your work in the comments or post a link to the post on your page.
Now strap in and lower your visors.. I cant wait to see what you come up with.
“Let down your hair” I whispered,
With my hand apon her nape,
I stood back and considered,
Admiring her shape,
“Do not turn around, your face I wish to show,”
“To the passing people, just beyond the window,”
“See them stop and look, your beauty is divine,”
“Now take off your heels and stockings, or do not waste my time,”
She does as I have asked, looking nervous and unshure,
I kiss her sun touched shoulder and say she’s doing well,
“I know of your desire, and what will be its cure,”
“The myth of your control, I most surely will dispel,”
With my hand around her waist, I spoke softly in her ear,
“Now you must remove your dress, and let the people lear,”
I saw the shiver through her spine, as her dress fell on the floor,
By her face in the reflection, I knew she wanted more,
“Some walk past unknowing, some they stop and stare,”
“Now it’s time for the final piece…. lose the underwear, ”
Now her hands are shaking, her blush has reached her chest,
I watch her movements in the glass, as she slowly gets undressed,
My arm now wraps around her, turning beauty from the street,
Framed against the light, gently our lips meet,
I feel her pressed against me, all heat and lust and sin,
I know just what she wants, as I kiss across her skin,
“Place your hands apon the window, and slowly spread your feet,”
“Let’s give the people passing, even more of a treat,”
She does as she is told, now beyond the point of shame,
One touch between her shapely legs, and shuddering she came,
As she sinks down to the floor, to lay apon her dress,
I feel at last it’s time, I really should confess,
“You did so well today,”
“And didn’t disobey, ”
“So a secret I will tell you, the glass it is one-way.”
Best wishes-SirHanz
Trees, the kind of trees that reach upward to touch the sky,
Open spaces, where the cool wind blows and warm sun shines,
Napping, on a rock in the middle of a snowmelt stream,
Devotion, in the eyes of someone that loves you fiercely,
Helping, feeling the gratitude of someone in need,
Great sex, the kind that makes you want to laugh with joy,
Learning, there is always something new to understand and enjoy,
Teaching, sharing what I have learned,
Fixing the forgotten, it’s old and rusted and broken… and I will make it beautiful,
Beauty, seeing it where others forget to look.
Stars, laying in the grass and marveling at the heavens,
Tea, a warm cup on a cold day.
Quiet, just being close to someone you love.
Joy is where you find it.. I find it in simple things.
Best wishes-SirHanz
There once was a boy. Not an ordinary boy.. this boy was special. Well of course he is special I hear you thinking, you dont write about ordinary boys.
Let us look closer.. why was he special? What made him different than all the other boys? Follow me I say.. let us examine him.. and we will both find out together.
The first thing we notice is how he is dressed. Black jacket folded and laying beside him on the bench at the back of the club. His shirt is a deep red, you may think it black untill the lights from the dancefloor catch along his chest showing it’s true color. Simple black pants with boots laced up to just below the knee.
He sits with his hands folded in his lap, back straight and head tipped slightly to listen to the music. A slight smile just touches his lips. The buzz of people swirling through the club seem to flow like water around him. He looks like he is waiting.
A few times he is approached by this or that girl or lady offering to dance or get him a drink. He just smiles and shakes his head thanking them kindly for their interest but politely declining. He looks at the door in anticipation, for you see.. he was early. He was to meet her at nine, he checks his watch seeing the seconds tick down. 3. 2. 1. Nine o clock. He quickly slips the timepiece back in his pocket and places his hands back in his lap trying to hide the tremor of nervousness.
He looks at the floor, his gaze fixed on the grain of the wood. He dares not look.. what if she isn’t there? He cant help but fidget as he waits… is she here? Is she looking for him? What if she doesn’t see him and leaves? What if she saw him and thought he was ugly? What if she is already… there are feet in front of him, he didn’t notice he was so caught up in thought. Black heels.. he slowly raises his gaze. Black lace following the lines of her legs.. the hem of her dress.. black with silver switching. Higher.. the gentle curve of hips.. waist clad in leather..
Suddenly she kneels and is looking into his eyes. Her! It was her! She came! And.. and.. oh lord she is hot.. where do I look? Am I being rude? Does she want me to look? A flustered blush rises in his cheeks but he cant look away. His heart feels like it’s trying to strangle his lungs.. pounding.. breathless. He can stand it no longer, her gaze is predatory.. full of heat and promise. Too much! He looks away blushing fiercely.
Now for shure she will hate him he thinks. He is a coward, she would never want a coward. A single tear of helpless frustration slowly rolls down his cheek. She slips onto the bench next to him, pressing her body close. Her face is again before him.. so close he can feel her breath on his lips. Her eyes are alight! Glittering in the flashing neon. Her hand catches his neck tipping his head back and to the side. His eyes close, his body relaxing into her grip. Warmth.. his chin.. his cheek.. what is.. oh.. oh! The reality hit him like a two by four across the forehead. She was licking the path of his tear..
He groaned, his blood sang in his vains. His hands clenched the wooden edge of the bench. She leaned closer.. her breasts pushing up against his chest and whispered in his ear “tonight.. you are mine. I know your secret. And I will have… everything.” His breath was short, panicked.. his eyes darted around to room looking for escape. She knows! How can she know! He needed to move! To run! His brain was screaming.. run you fool!
But her touch.. her soft warmth.. held him more surely than chains of iron. Again she spoke, her hot breath on his ear sending a shiver through him “you will follow in five minutes.. I will be waiting. ” then her warmth was gone and he was left to gape as he watched the sway of her hips as she made her way across the room and out the door.
Five minutes.. he could run.. but what if she was telling the truth? What if she knew?
Four minutes.. wait.. she knew.. and she wanted him anyway?
Three minutes.. what to do.. run.. or…
Two minutes.. crap! Not enough time!
He grabbed his jacket and threw it on.
Weaving through the crowd he was careful not to touch anyone slipping on black gloves as he walked with hesitant steps toward the door.
Pushing through the heavy oak of the door he was momentarily blinded by the brightness of the streetlight. He held up his hand to block to brightness, through the gap between his gloved fingers he could see a car siting at the curb. The door to the passenger side facing him opened. Her voice carried though he couldn’t see her in the dark interior “get in.”
It wasn’t to late.. he could still run.. he could still…. the feeling of her hand on his neck still lingered. He got in the car, and carefully closed the door shutting out the tumult of the streets. Her voice was soft but it carried in the quiet of the car “I’m glad you didnt run. I would have found you. But I’m glad I didnt have to. I know your scared.. but you are doing well.” As she spoke she reached over and took his hands, slowly pulling the gloves from his skin. “Yes.. I know what these are for.” She drew his hand closer and placed it on her thigh. He bit his lip to suppress the rush he felt. He could taste copper. She left his hand apon her as she put the car in drive and pulled out into trafic. The drive was a blur of flashing lights and darkness, and through it all his eyes never left the shadow of her face. He couldn’t remember.. how long had it been.. his hand was still resting lightly on the bare skin of her leg, his chest felt like it was about to burst. Everything was so clear.. so alive.
They had stoped. How long had they been stopped? She gently lifted his hand from her skin. Reality snapped back into focus, he was left feeling diminished. He spoke for the first time “w.. where are we?”
“We are at the beginning.” She said as she slipped out of the car. He still wasn’t shure quite what was happening but he knew it felt different.. good. The night air was cool and smelled vaguely of jasmine as he stepped out of the car. The gravel crunched under his boots as he followed the lady under the low hanging branches of trees, silent in the darkness but for the rustle of leaves in the breeze. Now they were on a trail, winding upward as the forest grew dense around them.
Turning a corner her found her standing before a small house nestled in the trees. He could see a dim light through the window and there was a faint smell of wood smoke in the air. “Do you live here?” He asked, feeling a bit more himself among the trees. She chuckled as she unlocked the door “no.. it is mine but I dont live here. I just thought you would be more comfortable here.” He nodded as he followed her, accepting it for what it was.. it was true after all. But how had she known? As he entered she shut the door behind him. He heard the click of a lock. “You do realize that I ment what I said.. tonight you are mine. I think you know already it is too late to run.” Her soft voice carried across the room as she bent to stoke the fire in the hearth. “Yes.. I made my choice when I got in the car.” He said, his eyes following the light of the fire as it came to life and danced yellow and orange across her bare shoulders.
“When I got your letter telling me to meet you at the club and that you knew about me.. I came because I was curious. Please.. how much do you know? And how could you possibly know as much as you do?” He removed his coat and hung it on the hook beside the door as he talked. Her vary presence was enough to muddle his words if he didnt look away.
She sat on the small sofa facing the fire and patted the space next to her “sit. It will be easier to show you how I know” He nodded, still trying not to look directly at her for fear he would be lost in her beauty and unable to think. He sat next to her, again feeling her closeness. “Look at me.” she said, and he couldn’t deny that voice. He looked.. the light was perfect, framing her features and highlighting the curve of her neck and shoulders. She was magnificent. Entranced he could only watch as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.
He was lost.. and found all at once. In that moment when time has lost all meaning, wraped in the pleasure of her kiss.. he knew. It flowed between them building apon itself getting stronger, more intense. She was like him. What had always only passed from them to him now boiled like a furnace in his chest. To much! With a gasp of breath he broke the kiss, falling backwards onto the floor. The clarity of her passion still burned within him. Oh.. but for just one more taste, he would risk his vary soul.
She slipped the heels from her feet and stood over him as he tried to catch his breath. She ran her hands across her shoulders and down her arms. Pulling the fabric of her dress downward, exposing the swell of her chest. She smiled.. it wasn’t a soft smile, it was the smile of the wolf about to dine apon the rabbit. She knelt and sat astride him, the black lace of her dress settling across him. Her hands found the collar of his shirt and with a jerk buttons popped and flew. The warmth of the fire danced apon his skin, spreading its light and reflecting the fire in her eyes.
His need grew.. feeding and multiplying with each passing moment. She could feel it as well.. he was shure of that now. Her delicate fingers rested apon his chest over his heart. Her touch was tender.. but her heart was not.. almost violent desire poured from her in a torrent. He couldn’t help it, his back arched.. pressing his skin against hers.
She giggled, actually giggled! There was joy in that sound. Her hand left him as she slid backwards down his legs to sit apon his ankles. She worked quickly, undoing his belt and dragging the zipper downward…. with a steady pull she left him completely exposed. The amber light of the fire hid his blush, but nothing could hide the desire that stood before her. His hands came up to hide his face, he was shure he would die of embarrassment. The sound of her voice drifted to him mixing with the crackle of the fire. “Oh.. you are just too sweet..” she leaned to the side pulling his pants down to his ankles and synching his belt tight around them. He had to see what she was doing. He slowly peeked around his hands, she was again sitting astride his legs. Her breasts hung seductively before him. Her breathing was still restricted by the corset hugging her shapely waist causing her chest to lift with each shallow breath.
He felt the anticipation thrilling them both. She crawled up his body, stalking him.. cornering her pray. His hard flesh was hidden beneath the fall of her dress as she came to face him. She grabbed his wrists and forced them down, pinning his hands to the floor. They were now face to face.. inches apart. Her eyes were a hungry golden in the fire light, devouring the storm tossed blue gray that looked back at her.
He felt heat.. wetness.. just barely touching him.. underneath her dress. He bit his lip to suppress a moan as he realized she wasn’t wearing anything beneath her… she kissed him.. and pressed herself hard downward. They both felt the rush. Gasping mouths locked as both their bodies went ridged. Pleasure surged upward, tieing them together and threatening to overwhelm them.
She broke their kiss and trailed her lips across his chin and down his neck, slowly rocking her hips to press against him. His mind was white, it was so far past his control. Mental hands felt for anything to grab hold of but it was like trying to catch a raging wind. It was all he could do to hold his ground as he was slowly being consumed by the gale.
She moved faster, pressing down apon his wrists to lift herself, then pushing him inside her with reckless abandon. He could feel the tightness and heat.. somehow not being able to see beneath the dress made it even more erotic. He felt her gasping breath at his neck, he felt the silky skin of her chest rubbing agenst his. She moaned from deep within her, the sound vibrating up through his body.
Her need was like molton metal in his vains.. igniting his own and burning him from within. He felt her hands grip tighter, her nails digging into his flesh. The pain was exquisite pleasure in the moment… and then he felt her teeth. She cried out, convulsing in orgasmic bliss and sank her teeth into the tender flesh of his neck.
His mind and body let go. His eyes rolled back in overwhelming pleasure, his breath was gone. His hips pushed upward, driving himself into her and grinding against her as his lust for her pulsed with her body and mind. She lay atop him, her tounge teaseing the mark apon his neck as he spent himself inside her. She let go of his hands and layed her head apon his chest, she was filled.. content.. he wraped his arms around her. Holding her to him. She closed her eyes relaxing into his embrace. He was still inside her as they both fell into the depths of sleep.
But they were not alone in their dreams.. they were connected now. Bound with chains no hammer could break. Hand in hand.. they walked into the misty forest of sleep. And they both knew.. they would stay.. just like this.. forever.
I told you the boy was special.
Best wishes.. -SirHanz
Philosophers, religious scholars, scientists, poets and writers have debated endlessly about what happens to us when we die.
On this subject I can only speak for myself. I have studied many different religions and philosophies. And have come to a conclusion. For me, I cant understand something that profound on faith alone. Only through experience could I ever hope to understand.
Fortunately for me.. I have first hand experience. No.. I didnt attempt suicide or take a bunch of pills in a fit of depression. Nothing so dramatic as that.
I used to do a lot of mountain biking when I was going to college in Waco. There is a big park near the river with lots of great trails. It was there that I was going far too fast around a corner and slipped off the trail. I fell about 20 feet or so and hit my head… and died.
I was not completely dead. But medically I was. My heart stoped and I was not breathing. Fortunately a passerby saw it happen and performed CPR. But I didnt have a pulse and wasn’t breathing for about 6 minutes. And I cant tell you what I saw.. because come on.. dead.. no eyes. But I can describe how it felt and that there were things I understood.
Imagine yourself as a drop of rain. Below you is an ocean. You are born, and everything you are.. everything that makes you..you comes together out of the clouds and becomes a separate and unique singular thing. A raindrop. You fall from the cloud and through space. This is life. The interval in between when the parts that came together to make you from the cloud coalesce and when you join the ocean. Death is the ocean. You.. the you that fell. that was tiny and unique, blending with the sea. Your now the sea. Your no longer the individual that was only a small drop. You are the whole. The sum and parts of all lives.. but you always were. Then small bits of the sea evaporate and form clouds.. and once again.. rain. It is difficult to explain what I felt.. that analogy is the best I have been able to come up with.
I believe that we do not fear death itself. But we fear the loss of our individuality. And we do. Or not.. depending on how you look at it. Imagine you have always been the sea. If you dip out a droplet.. is it still the sea? Both yes and no.
After about 6 minutes my heart started to beat once again and I started to breathe. Another minute and I woke up. I was taken to the hospital a few minutes later and had a severe concussion but no brain bleeding. I spent a couple days under observation and when they were satisfied I wouldn’t die i was sent home.
I never told anyone. What good would it do to worry those that cared about me? I was ok and just wanted to get back to my life. And honestly at that time I was processing a lot of the trauma from my childhood and was not in a good headspace. Probably not makeing the best decisions ether.
One thing did change though. I have a rather unique perspective on death. I also have no fear of it. I dont seek it out or want to die, quite the opposite… I charish my life. But I feel like I understand. And through that understanding it no longer scares me.
I have a unique perspective on death. And through it also a unique perspective on life. I dont crave material things. Small things bring me joy. I am not concerned with wealth or power in society. I would much rather focus on being happy, wherever that leads me.
I chose to break my silence for two reasons. First… I am trying to be completely open about my life. And my beliefs.
Second… my uncle has cancer. It is no longer responding to drugs and they are going to start radiation. This will kill his bone marrow and if he survives the treatment he will need a transplant. From my mother. At her age this is not without risk. But she is the most wonderful person I know and would do it in a heartbeat. It may be just fine.. but if there are complications… i may lose them both.
It was time i told this story. I am for the first time telling my parents what happened all those years ago. In hope that my experience may bring them some comfort in this time of uncertainty and fear.
I am only relating my own personal experience. I have no wish or belief to say that what others believe about death is in any way false or untrue. I can only speek for myself. Take it for what it is, think for yourself. For all I know it may be different for everyone. Maybe my story will resonate with someone else out there maybe not. But it is mine.. I lived it. I died for it. And now I choose to share it.
Alive and kicking -SirHanz
Words hunger…
Gnashing syllables,
Bite deeply into the heart,
Masticateing emotion,
Ripping and tearing,
The gristle of thought,
Grinding and crushing,
The bones of truth,
Bloated belly bursting,
With Silence.
Best wishes -SirHanz
Bite your lip, this is going to sting.
Hand rests. Anticipation…
Skin, smothe as silk..
Beneath softest touch..
Curve and valley…
What beauty..
Betwixt my knees..
Wait no longer..
I am come…
Desires fulfilled..
With calloused hand..
Gentle smile..
Whispered words..
Ignite passion..
And wanton lust..
The hand falls..
Shocking sting….
Hips held steady..
Grind apon my knee..
Slow breath..
Again the flame..
Back arched..
Eyes like embers..
Burning with need..
A pale rose..
Dampens my thigh..
Exploring velvet petals..
All it takes is a touch..
And the words..
You are mine..
Best wishes -SirHanz
Salt mist touched skin,
Tasting heat,
Along the pathway,
From collar to chin,
Teath drag furrows,
Across fields of delicious,
Sensation.
-SirHanz
Knotty Thoughts 