Control

At it’s core this is what being a dominant is all about. Control of yourself first and foremost. If you can’t control yourself, how can you expect a submissive to feel safe being controlled by you? But how do you define self control? I can only speak for myself but this is how I look at it.

I hold a tight control over my own emotions. I do not get angry. I may be annoyed from time to time, but angry? No. That would mean giving up control of myself and I refuse to do that.

I control my fear. (Read the fear blog if you want to know more about that one).

I control my lust. I will not be dragged around by my fun bits. Shure.. I have sexual wants and needs.. but they dont dictate my actions.

I control my body. Because of the often physical outdoor work I do I have to be consistently mindful of my own physical condition.

I control what I say. I dont talk a lot, i have always liked the saying “think more, talk less” if i am quiet it is not because i am shy or withdrawn. I am thinking.

I control myself in a myriad of little ways. And that’s why I can walk across any room like I fucking own it. I’m not talking about a cocky strut or a slink. I am talking about walking like I would walk in my own home…. anywhere. (Have I mentioned how modest I am? No? I will.)

Now when it comes to controlling another the first thing any good dom needs is consent. You can’t control someone who doesn’t want you to control them. And if you try not only do you look like an asshat, but you will lose any credibility you may have had. Control of another must be given. And though some choose not to it can be revoked at any time. So charish it as a gift. Because it is.

Once someone has given you control over them you need to live up to the responsibility they just placed in your hands. This is not easy by any means. Those that think a dom just sits back and give orders and whippings have no idea the work that good doms put into their dynamic. Yes.. it is work. But the pay and benefits package are both excellent.

Best wishes from a sleepy dom -SirHanz