Tag: nice guy

The “nice guy” paradox.

I have recently come to learn that “nice guy” on social media has been ruined by men using that moniker to camouflage predatory behavior.  Now even if you actually are nice you cant say so or you may be labeled a predator. Pretending to be nice and helpful to try to get into some girls pants. And the sad part is.. I cant even blame ladies for avoiding guys who claim to be a “nice guy” because it seems the predators outnumber those that are actually nice! And I feel suspect every time I say something supportive or kind! Wow… think about that. Apparently now the only way to be seen as genuine is to be an ass. Is this what the future will be? Nice guys pretending to be assholes so they will be seen as genuine and can get their foot in the door to show though their actions they are not really an asshole?
 Seriously.. this is sooo fucked up. If your nice… you have to lie about being nice. But if your actually genuinely nice you dont want to lie and get labeled a predator.  So you are forced to keep your trap shut and let your actions do the talking…… so what is a nice guy to do? Say nothing and only post pictures of himself helping people and being nice? That would look pretty fake wouldn’t it?
 So here is my take away from all of this… we cant win. The “nice guy” has been painted into a corner with little hope to show he is not an asshat trying to get into your pants by pretending to be kind and romantic.  So I say fuck it. I’m gonna just be me. I own who I am flaws and all. But I am nice. And I will continue trying to be nice. And if I get painted as a predator for it… just going to block those people and move on. If you dont take the time to get to know me before throwing accusations that could ruin my chances of getting to know some good people… well… you may be genuine.. but your not nice. Thank you for showing your true colors so I can avoid you.
 So that’s it… rant over. I will be hideing in the corner drinking my tea. And if you need help but are so self centered as to think any guy trying to help you wants to be repaid with sex… find a predator to help you. At least he will deserve to get throat punched for helping to change your tire on the roadside. I’ll keep on driving and wish you luck. But if your bleeding out I will do my best to staunch the wound. And when I get slapped for doing it, I will nod and move on knowing I did something good.. and for me… that’s enough.

Best wishes -sirhanz

Nice guy problems

So now that I am back on the market per say I am reminded of challenges I have faced in the past when trying to find a submissive partner. The foremost of these is that I am a nice guy.

Now usually that is an attractive quality in a man. But i have found that often in the bdsm community it is actually a hindrance. Especially if the submissive is new.

Correct me if i am wrong.. but i have noticed a lot of submissives build an image of their ideal dom in there head. If you are a single submissive reading this then take a moment and think about what this ideal dom looks and acts like..

I will bet you a spanking not one of you thought you wanted a nice guy. For some reason “nice” doesn’t mix with fantasy. And fantasy is how we choose reality. When is the last time someone held the door for you and you thought “damm I bet he is a good dom” …. nope. Not gonna happen. But when a guy is acting like he is entitled to the submission of everyone in the room then that’s hot? Why is that? The guy is obviously an asshat. But first impressions matter. And his first impression is “dom”. And the nice guy’s impression is “oh.. that was nice of him.. now let’s go back to looking at the dom”

Now I am not saying that all submissives want to be with an asshat. Some do, and to each their own. But most if you ask them what they want in a dom they will describe the nice guy.

So where’s the disconnect? Why want the nice caring dom and yet totally ignore him for the angry asshat? I have actually heard a submissive say “dont talk to him, he looks like he would be too nice.” *facepalm* seriously?? Now with online dating fortunately it forces you to write a profile and you can usually sort the good from the bad. But in person.. we dont come with a profile.

So next time your getting hit on by 3 doms at once and just loveing the attention, take a step back and notice the guy who was polite enough not to hit on you when you were already being bombarded by “submit to me now” instadoms. Because let me tell you.. more than likely, they dont want to make you happy.

Food for thought.

Best wishes. -SirHanz