Gray sky

As I sit today and contemplate my life.. my past.. my future.. I stare up at the gray clouded sky and it today seems like a mirror. I have never been the dark.. or the light. But always something in between. People are always looking for one or the other it seems. A bad boy… a good man.. but almost never a gentle heart with a naughty mind. Though.. I may be just dence and dont see it.
I am also at fault for hiding myself through much of my life. Not literally.. but hiding my true self. I have my reasons, and they are valid I believe. But it makes most interactions with people feel a little off. They see only what I show them, not who I really am. And even if I told them all about me most could never really understand. So I wear the mask, both as protection for myself and to make it easy for others to interact with the me they see.
And then something happens… I meet someone.. someone who does understand. And I am lost. Imagine going through your life.. year after year.. able to talk and sing.. in a world full of mutes. No one talks.. no one sings.. and you have to pretend to be mute to be accepted by the world.
Then you hear a voice, singing in the darkness. You follow the sound and find someone incredibly beautiful… you free your voice and speak without the mask. The connection is instant. They are kind.. brilliant.. and share so much in common it’s scary. Could you not fall for them? With the potential to be able to share so much of yourself that you have kept hidden.. could you not love them? Knowing the pain they have suffered… could you not want to embrace them and do whatever you could to ease their burden and make them happy?
I ask myself if this is the weaving of fate.. or simply luck.. I know not. But whatever it is… it is real. At least to me. I dont know what the future holds for me. But I know this tarnished mask grows heavy with age. And some days.. the gray days that portend cold rain… all I want is to let it fall and damm the consequences. But I can not… the price is too high. But one day.. one day i know, it will be too heavy. And on that day.. I will be free. Or i will burn. I have time yet.. maybe years, i hope i can live them well. And maybe.. if i am just lucky enough.. spend them with someone who can hear me sing.
For now i look forward along the misty path, it is narrow and there are many temptations to lure me from it into the dark. But strength still remains in me and while it does i shall not falter. So i work.. and rest when i am too weary to continue, i learn and look within to make myself a little better each day. And I hope to one day no longer be the gray sky that fills me with longing and wistful desire for that which is beyond my reach. I hope to be the light.

Best wishes -SirHanz

More thinking

I was thinking over a lunch of watermelon and salad about articulation. And how I feel like I am so much better at arranging my thoughts in the written form rather than speaking. I have never been a great orator. I have always been one to listen a lot more than speak.

And that got me thinking about how that may have effected my growth as a dominant. Let me brake down my logic for you.

1. Knowledge is power.

2. You learn more when you listen.

3. If you want to be able to control someone, you need to know them.

4. Really understanding someone requires two things. The ability to ask good questions and to be more interested in them than yourself.

So next time you see a dom bragging about how skilled he is, or how much experience he has with submissives.. take a step back and think.. if he is really that good, why is he talking? There is a reason they say it’s the quiet ones that you have to watch out for. Because they watch, and learn…. and that gives them understanding. And when they do choose to speak, there is power in their words.

So just for today… give it a try. Talk less.. listen more. You may be surprised at what you may learn.

Converting the world to introverts -SirHanz

Q&A the questions

I love good questions. I dont pretend to have all the answers but even if I am stumped I usually learn something along the way. So I thought I would put it to you, the reader to ask me some questions. No restrictions on topic or personal boundaries. Ask anything. I will do my best to answer and in the process maybe get to know my readers a little better. I will give a week or untill there are 25 questions. Leave your question in the comments or send via the email on my site. 😁 this should be fun, cant wait to see what interests you.