I can count the times I have been truly angry in my life on one hand. How is that even possible you ask? Simple. I understand my self. In buddhism there is a meditation technique called second thoughts. The first thought is when you think of something, the second thought is when at the same time you think about why you had the first thought. I examine my own reactions and thoughts a lot.
Where did that thought come from?
Is it helpful? If so, how?
Is it logical?
Why am I haveing that thought now?
How does it make me feel?
That was the first step for me. To understand what I am thinking and why.
The second step was to recognize fear. Fear is both useful and destructive. Fear can be a warning system. When you feel fear, instead of drowning in it if you examine why you are feeling it you will follow one of two logic paths.
1. The fear is rational. Rational fear is your good buddy self preservation telling you it’s a long way down and you dont have a rope. This kind of fear is constructive and allows you to make decisions about dangerous things.
2. The fear is irrational. Irrational fear is your crazy aunt telling you even though you have a harness and rope both rated for over 12000 pounds your going to fall to your death. This kind of fear is destructive, and holds you back from things that are perfectly safe.
Now the hard part. Once you have identified a fear as irrational you need to let go of it. There are several ways to do this. If you have the willpower you can just abandon it. Or you can do things to show yourself that it is safe, and done enough times you may be able to let go of the fear. Or you can except the fear and do it anyway knowing you will be afraid but also knowing you will not be hurt. The last one is a hell of a leap of faith. Deep breath…. exhale… and… fuck it.
Understanding yourself takes time. Time most people dont have or dont want to take because they would rather be doing something else. It took me many years and I learn more about myself every year.
There is a trap here as well. It only works as long as you keep doing it. And if you stop doing it.. the confidence you gained becomes overconfidence. Be careful to avoid that if at all possible.
Good luck and remember, the cookies with chocolate chips look the same as the ones with raisins. Sometimes you just have to try things to know what it is you want.
Knotty Thoughts 