Kink 102

This post will focus on the second thing on my kink list.

Restraints.

Traditionally in the bdsm world restraints ment one of three things.

Cuffs. (leather or metal) I include all types of cuffs on this category.

Collars. Not all collars are restraints but most can be used in that way.

Rope. Probably the first restraint ever invented. I also include straps of any kind in this category. Rope comes in a veriaty of materials and sizes, each with their own unique tactile sensations and uses.

Now days we have a lot more options. Zip ties, metal brackets, and all kinds of devious devices though up by people world wide.

Ok… so we know what tools are available. And a quick stroll through home depo will yield a cornucopia of different restraint products. Now that you have your restraints… how do you use them? And why is this kinky?

First of all… before you go crazy with the rope or start cuffing your submissive to things around the house there are a few things you need to learn.

Anatomy.

I can’t stress enough how important this is. Knowing how the body moves and how and where blood is supplied to the different parts of the body is crucial to haveing a good time without harming your submissive. There are a ton of good resources online. Use them. Knowing how not to harm your sub is a big fucking deal, and you can do serious damage if you dont understand what you are doing. Especially with things like rope, ties and straps. You can cause loss of motor function by cuting off blood supply for to long, bruse or damage organs, or leave permanent marks on their body.

Wait… wait… if it has all those risks.. why is it kinky and not just dangerous?

Well my dear readers.. that is PRECISELY why. To bind or restrain someone they have to trust that you will not hurt them. The fear is still there though and mixes with the desire of the submissive to form a wonderful cocktail of endorphins. If done with skill and a willing partner you have effectively just drugged your submissive…. with a rope. Depending on the submissive and their connection with the dominant in some cases this can even lead to a feeling of intoxication. It’s called getting “rope drunk”. This is another form of subspace.

And as for the dom? What do they get out of it?

Power. Control. Freedom.

We bind to feel powerful… even if you would never harm your submissive in any way, when they are bound and helpless… you could. Knowing that they are completely at your mercy.. and that they wanted to be.. that is vary sexy.

We bind to control. If a dominant wants to control the movement of a submissive… say.. for a whiping, spanking, or just some good rough sex they may want to bind their submissive. This can be liberating for the sub as they dont have to try to hold themselves in a position and refrain from struggling. They can just let go and experience whatever the dom has planned.

We bind to be free. When you have a submissive restrained there is a huge feeling of freedom. Even if you had previously negotiated the scene and are holding to your agreement.. there is still the feeling that you can do whatever you want. Even though you are in control and wouldn’t abuse your position it still feels like you can do anything you want, no hesitation, no permission needed. You feel it.. and your sub feels it… and that combined with the trust that you could crush them but won’t… its intence.

And finaly… the visual appeal. Seeing your submissive tied, cuffed, restrained… is quite frankly beautiful. I myself enjoy just siting back and watching for a while after I have restrained a sub. Maybe it’s the artist in me but the smallest details in their expressions and movements come into sharp focus. Even the contrast of light and shadow becomes more vivid for me. And damm if that’s not beautiful and sexy.

So there you go.. the second part of my kink list rundown.

Stay tuned -SirHanz

Kink 101

I am starting a series of posts examining in depth my own kinks. Each post will focus on one kink from my kink list. So… without further adu…

CORSETS

There are many different styles of corsets. And some that are called corsets but are not.

Types of corsets include but are not limited to….

Waist clincher,

Victorian,

underbust,

bdsm,

overbust,

long line,

wasp waist(waspie).


There are many different styles and types within these categories as well. Some overlap between styles like you could have an overbust long line, or an underbust bdsm..

And then there are laceing styles. Training corsets start just barely tight and are slowly tightened over time. Formal or decorative corsets are sized for a certain effect and are moderately tight. Tightlaced corsets are as tight as you can possibly stand.

Things that people call corsets but are not.

Corset tops,

these are stretchy.. cheap.. and usually dont even have functional laces.

Bustier,

basicly a bra with added support.. some boneing.. heavy duty spandex..and structured panels.

Bodices,

generally worn over a chemise or a shirt. They can lace in the front, back, or sides. Some have boneing some dont. But they are not made to be tightly laced.

Now on to the fun part.

Why it’s a kink.

Let’s start with the obvious.. its basically bondage gear that is socially acceptable to wear everywhere.

It is restrictive, it limits your ability to bend at the waist and if laced tightly forces you to take shallow breaths. If you have a partner tightening it for you… feeling the slow squeeze as the laces are pulled tighter and tighter is a vary sensual experience.

As a dominant, it’s like bondage and breath play all rolled into one. And you can go out for a dinner or a movie while doing it. What’s not to like? Being able to shape your submissive? Hell.. I am at half mast just thinking about it. Not to mention a corseted waist makes a great handhold for when you have her bent over a table.

So… yah.. definitely sensuous and fulfilling for a dominant. If you dont own one I highly recommend it. Depending on your dynamic they can have different meetings to a submissive as well. For a massocist they can be painful, for a little they can feel like getting a hug all the time. But for everyone they are just damm sexy.

Thinking of Kink -SirHanz

The Hate Fuck

Sometimes… for whatever reason… a dominant will be frustrated, angry, bitter, or just general pissed about something.

And that’s when, with full knowledge of what they are in for… a submissive may offer a gift.

The gift of the hate fuck.

Now let me be clear here.. I do not condone or excuse anger or frustration in the bounds of any bdsm dynamic. However… doms are people. And sometimes.. something happens that makes them angry or bitter. And when that happens, one of the greatest gifts a submissive can give is to offer themselves as an outlet for that feeling.

I will not say this is safe. Or without risk. You have a dom who is not in control and you are trying to bring them back from the brink. And to do that you are offering yourself as a vessel for them to take out all that anger and frustration.

It will be rough.. brutal.. and probably leave you brused and hurting. This is not something to aspire to or to seek out. It is consensual abuse. But that doesn’t make it not abuse.

And with all that said.. it works. I almost wish it didn’t, but it does. And when it’s over and you are exhausted and hurting… your not done. Because if your dom has a decent bone in their body they will be horrified by what they just did to you. And they will drop. Hard. And once again you will need to pull them back from the brink. (See domdrop post) even as you are hurting you will offer love and assurance that you are ok and did this freely as a gift to them.

And it will never happen again. Your dom will feel guilt, even if you tell them it’s ok. (Unless they are a psychopath) they will make shure they are never angry or bitter around you again. Not for fear of what they may do to you.. but for what you may let them do.

While this is a phenomenal gift.. it is also a lesson. A lesson on the price someone dear to them will pay for their lack of control.

And as a submissive do not feel as though you need to be able to or even should give this gift. It is simply a choice. And there is no shame in walking away from an angry pissed off dom.

Best wishes. -SirHanz

I am

If I was asked to define who and what I am in one word it would be this.

Dichotomy

I am dichotomy.

I am kind.
I am strict.

I am strong.
I am vulnerable.

I heal fast.
I have lots of scars.

I heal slow.
I have wounds you cant see.

I crave affection.
I control my emotions.

I am curious.
I am laid back.

I am an artist.
I no longer paint.

I am a musician.
I no longer play.

I am adventurous.
I dont go out much.

I am bold.
I am afraid.

I am funny.
I am serious.

I am happy.
I am broken.

I am a lover of beauty.
I am not beautiful.

I have shown mercy.
I have asked for none.

I work myself to the ends of endurance.
I am lazy.

I am dense as a brick
I enjoy the subtle.

I am intelligent.
I am an idiot.

I am imperfect.
I am perfect for someone.

I am all of this.

I am dichotomy.

DomDrop

This is more common than most doms would like to admit. And it can be just as devastating as subdrop. The difference being most doms deal with it themselves because they dont want to burden or show weakness to their sub. If the dom drops quite a bit and the sub is unaware of the warning signs this can be catastrophic for their dynamic.

When a dominant drops they can experience feelings of failure, inadequacy, frustration, depression, and fear. During a drop they will often seem agitated, angry, or saddened for no apparent reason. They may lash out at those around them (agression to cover up the feelings they dont want to have). Or they may retreat from contact or conversation. (Any additional warning signs that you may know would be appreciated in the comments)

Now for the hard part… you have identified that your dom is dropping… what do you do?

This is a difficult one because it varies so much between doms what they need when they are dropping. The best thing to do is talk to your dom beforehand and find out what they would like you to do if you notice them dropping. For most there are a few things that help. Contact.. depending on your dynamic that may mean different things, a hand on their leg… kneeling with cheek pressed agenst their thigh.. massaging their shoulders… it can take many different forms.

The second is the willingness to brake a rule or protocol even if it means getting punished in order to show them your devotion. If they want you to leave.. dont. If they lash out at you.. tell them lashing out is not ok but you will accept it from them as proof of your devotion. These are just examples, you will have to decide what is the best way to help your dom yourself.

The third is sometimes an option sometimes not. You can reach out to another dom that understands dom drop and ask them to talk them through it. Keep in mind you are vary likely to be punished for doing this. Depending on your dominant possibly severely. They will often view it as a breach of trust, especially when they are in the middle of dropping and not thinking straight. So be prepared for that.

Here are some things to say to a dom that is dropping that may help.

I am ok.

I love you.

Thank you.

I am not hurt.

You are amazing.

I enjoyed our play.

Would you like me to clean up?

I am always here for you.

Dominants need aftercare too. We put a lot of time, effort, and thought into being good doms. This can be exhausting. Part of the reason you serve is to lessen the other burdens that they carry so that they can be better dominants to you.

Hope this helps someone out there.

Best wishes -SirHanz

DomSpace

Subspace gets a lot of talking about in blogs and forums, but not much is said about DomSpace… why is that? Well… part of the reason is many doms have never experienced domspace. Or they may have and didnt realize what it was. So I thought it was high time to dig deeply into this and lay it out for people to understand.

Let’s start with the basics.. what is domspace?

To explain that we first have to look at the headspace of a dominant. Doms vary rarely act without a plan. We plan our interactions with our submissive and have a veriaty of contingency plans waiting in the back of our minds ready to be brought up depending on the reaction of our partners. When interacting with a submissive we experience feelings of power, control and a deep sence of connection as we react to the changes in the mood and mentality of our partners. Through bdsm we deepen that sence of connection and control.

Domspace comes into play when during an interaction with a submissive the conciousness decision makeing of how to do something or when stops. Now I am not talking about just acting randomly or impulsively. I’m talking about when the body of the dom is acting almost like it’s on autopilot, one action seamlessly flowing into the next… moving in perfect harmony with the partner. The subconscious takes the reins and the concious mind is left to revel in the feelings of power and control without haveing to choose what comes next or how to do something.

The experience is intense. Almost overwhelming. And unless the dominant understands what is happening they may pull back from it for fear that they are losing control. Or they may go in the other direction and actually lose control and enter dom frenzy. It’s a fine line to walk. Maintaining control through the subconscious requires a deep and abiding sense of self control, and the trust and confidence in yourself to not lose control even when you let go of the reins.

Unlike subspace which can be experienced by totally giving up control, and can be experienced by even the newest submissive if they are willing to give up control to that level. Domspace can take a long time to reach. You have to know and understand your partner and yourself quite a bit before it becomes possible. (There are some rare exemptions but dont expect it.)

It is also important to note that after experiencing domspace domdrop is a vary real possibility. (I will talk about that in another blog at a later date) so be mindful, and with knowledge in hand.. enjoy the ride.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Working man

I decided today to post a bit about what I do for a living. It’s kind of interesting so I thought sharing it could be fun.

I work for Radha Madav dam the largest hindu temple in the southern United states.

I myself am not hindu but I respect them and they are nice people.

We have about 65 full time residents called “devotees” that live on the property. (The hindu equivalent of monks… kinda.) We have a yoga retreat center that hosts groups of between 15 to 200 people. The temple and buildings take up a small portion of the 240 acre property in the austin hill country. The rest is forest, river (a small one), and walking trails (10 miles of trails).

We have quite a bit of wildlife as well.

Softshell turtles live in the river..

Baby foxes out exploring

A dillo digging up the garden

Curious squirrels

Peahens

Peacocks

And probably about 50 deer live on the property year round.

There is a decorative pool behind the temple and small shrines around the property.

And inside the temple is just as beautiful

I bet your asking yourself.. what is a dominant doing working in a place like that? Well… it’s peaceful. I like that.

And what do I do there? Well I started out cooking in the yoga center for retreats but then during the off season started to fix things around the temple. Now I do so much I dont have enough hours in the day.. electrical work, plumbing, ac repair, construction, building repairs, landscaping, I take care of the trails, Forrest, and basically keep the buildings working and the land nice looking. It can be brutal in the summer, but somehow I keep surviving so I keep working.

Hope you enjoyed another peek into my life.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Luck

I generally have a vary logical mind. I dont believe without evidence, but I also dont discount something just because I cant prove it with what I know now.

But luck? Hell yah I believe in luck.

I have had too many things in my life, both good and bad to not to believe in it.

Superstition? Maybe.. but I dont think luck works like most people do. You dont just “get lucky” and then that’s the end of it.

I believe it is like a balance, bad things happen… good things balance the scales.

Good things happen… wait for it… you hear that? The other shoe just dropped… and you are in for it.

And the good and the bad are not always immediately balanced. One huge bad thing can mean months of tiny good things. I think most people dont make the connection between the two. But I can tell you… offer me a winning lottery ticket and I will politely decline.

“But why would you do that?” People ask.

Well… probably because I dont need to have cancer or something equally bad happen to me.

Now if I had just fallen off a bridge and broken both my legs and someone offered me the same ticket.. hell yah I would take it.

See how this works? Like everything else in life.. it is a balance.

So if something bad happens to you.. know that good is coming. Watch for it.. even the little things matter. Learn to recognize the little bits of good luck and be thankful for them.

And if I ever meet a sub who is just perfect and wants me for her dom? Think I might go lose a bunch of cash playing scratch offs 😉 head it off at the pass.

Best of luck… -SirHanz

Control

At it’s core this is what being a dominant is all about. Control of yourself first and foremost. If you can’t control yourself, how can you expect a submissive to feel safe being controlled by you? But how do you define self control? I can only speak for myself but this is how I look at it.

I hold a tight control over my own emotions. I do not get angry. I may be annoyed from time to time, but angry? No. That would mean giving up control of myself and I refuse to do that.

I control my fear. (Read the fear blog if you want to know more about that one).

I control my lust. I will not be dragged around by my fun bits. Shure.. I have sexual wants and needs.. but they dont dictate my actions.

I control my body. Because of the often physical outdoor work I do I have to be consistently mindful of my own physical condition.

I control what I say. I dont talk a lot, i have always liked the saying “think more, talk less” if i am quiet it is not because i am shy or withdrawn. I am thinking.

I control myself in a myriad of little ways. And that’s why I can walk across any room like I fucking own it. I’m not talking about a cocky strut or a slink. I am talking about walking like I would walk in my own home…. anywhere. (Have I mentioned how modest I am? No? I will.)

Now when it comes to controlling another the first thing any good dom needs is consent. You can’t control someone who doesn’t want you to control them. And if you try not only do you look like an asshat, but you will lose any credibility you may have had. Control of another must be given. And though some choose not to it can be revoked at any time. So charish it as a gift. Because it is.

Once someone has given you control over them you need to live up to the responsibility they just placed in your hands. This is not easy by any means. Those that think a dom just sits back and give orders and whippings have no idea the work that good doms put into their dynamic. Yes.. it is work. But the pay and benefits package are both excellent.

Best wishes from a sleepy dom -SirHanz

Rant of the day

The first thing on my list of abominations is MANGO SALSA. That is not salsa! At best it’s chutney. At worst it is ruining a good salsa by shoving fruit where it doesn’t belong. And pineapple salsa? Ask any cam girl… there are some places you just shouldn’t shove a pineapple, and salsa is one of them.

Number two on my list has to go to mopeds. These basterd children of scooters and bicycles are death traps. Not enough power to keep you from getting run over but just enough for you to fool yourself into thinking it’s ok to be on the road. Seriously, you dont even need a drivers license to ride one. That alone should tell you not to drive it on the road. These rolling hit me signs should come with an automatic darwin award and a CD filled with emo “I want to die” songs.

The envelope please…

And the number three abomination on my list goes to….. soybeans. Yup… soy. But how could that possibly be bad you ask? Because in the last 15 years soybeans have been genetically modified so much there is now almost no non modified beans left on the whole earth. But why is that so bad? 2 reasons.

1. Almost no one used to be allergic to soy. Now there are over a million just in the USA including me. I was fine with it until they went gmo. Now.. they do horrible things to my poor belly.

2. I am a vegetarian and damm it if allmost fucking EVERYTHING made for vegetarians is made of God dammed soy! And dont get me started on Japanese food. I used to love fryed tofu with noodles. Now I can’t even eat the noodles because they put soy sauce in the broth!

Ok… deep breath… whew…. (on a scale of 1 to eat a dick.) I give that rant a ( 6.4 ) lower marks for only mild vitriol.