Brats

You ether enjoy them.. or they drive you nuts.

Brats love to push the envelope of what they can get away with. Always testing. Often they seek the structure and attention that is a repercussion of their actions. Even if it is negative attention they feel it is better than being ignored. Some even lash out at their dom because they seek to constantly reassure themselves that he/she cares for them enough to correct them.

Some brats will submit when called out for their behavior, others want to be forced to submit. This is a crucial difference the dom needs to be aware of. If the dom is expecting submission when they call out the brat for misbehaving and the brat keeps pushing, the dom may be unshure if they have the consent to force them into submission. If it has not been discussed beforehand they may feel like the submissive is revokeing their submission. So.. all you brats out there.. communication is a necessity. Be shure your dom understands how and why you act the way you do. And if your not shure why then definitely sit down and have a good think.

Brats can be a lot of fun, but they take more attention than the average submissive. Like a dog that will chew up your shoes if they dont get enough exercise. They need the reassurance that they are loved and will act out if they feel they are not getting what they need. So walk your dog if you dont want bite marks in your sofa.

And now for the brats.. be careful how far you push your dom. A little funishment is great. A big punishment because you pushed a little to far… not so much. Teaseing you dom is one thing.. being disrespectful is another. And it can be a fine line to walk.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Responsibility

This is a tough concept for some doms to wrap their head around. I’m not talking about paying Bills and other general adulting. Oh no.. I speak of the responsibility of a dom to his sub. That’s the deal you see.. the sub gives you power, control, pleasure, happiness. And in return the dom is responsible for the sub. But what does that mean?

It may change a bit from one dom to the next but here are the things it should always cover.

As a dom you are responsible for..

The general happiness of the submissive.

The continued growth of the submissive.

The health and fitness of the submissive.

The fulfillment of the submissives desires.

The safety of the submissive.

The mental health of the submissive.

Sounds like a lot of work doesn’t it? Well.. it is. A good domanent enjoys the work but it can still be exhausting. And I here you newer doms out there thinking “but wouldn’t that mean the dom is serving the sub?” In a way we do. But the difference is that everything we do is by our own will. We dont do these things because we are asked, or forced. We choose to take responsibility. And how we live up to those responsibilities is our choice.

Best wishes -SirHanz

The gentleman.

When I was in highschool long ago I remember noticing something. Not a single guy I saw acted like a gentleman. I thought about this for a while, when did it become ok NOT to be a gentleman? I still dont have an answer for that. But the thought of all these boys growing up and not knowing how to be good men kind of disturbed me.

So I did some self reflection. What about me? Was I a gentleman? No. I was not. I had some of the qualities of one but lacked many of the others. So I made a promise to myself. That I would be better. That I would act like a gentleman.

I have kept my promise. I did and do try to uphold the values of a gentleman. I dont always succeed but I am trying and from my point of view that’s a hell of a lot better than most men I meet nowadays.

Why do I mention this in a bdsm blog? Because if more dominants acted like gentleman instead of sex crazed asshats that want someone to submit immediately just because they call themselves a dom then maybe.. just maybe.. there would be less submissives in the bdsm community with horror stories of being taken advantage of.

I feel like we are an endangered species. And that just saddens me.

#save the gentleman

Wishing you all the best. -SirHanz

DomSpace

Subspace gets a lot of talking about in blogs and forums, but not much is said about DomSpace… why is that? Well… part of the reason is many doms have never experienced domspace. Or they may have and didnt realize what it was. So I thought it was high time to dig deeply into this and lay it out for people to understand.

Let’s start with the basics.. what is domspace?

To explain that we first have to look at the headspace of a dominant. Doms vary rarely act without a plan. We plan our interactions with our submissive and have a veriaty of contingency plans waiting in the back of our minds ready to be brought up depending on the reaction of our partners. When interacting with a submissive we experience feelings of power, control and a deep sence of connection as we react to the changes in the mood and mentality of our partners. Through bdsm we deepen that sence of connection and control.

Domspace comes into play when during an interaction with a submissive the conciousness decision makeing of how to do something or when stops. Now I am not talking about just acting randomly or impulsively. I’m talking about when the body of the dom is acting almost like it’s on autopilot, one action seamlessly flowing into the next… moving in perfect harmony with the partner. The subconscious takes the reins and the concious mind is left to revel in the feelings of power and control without haveing to choose what comes next or how to do something.

The experience is intense. Almost overwhelming. And unless the dominant understands what is happening they may pull back from it for fear that they are losing control. Or they may go in the other direction and actually lose control and enter dom frenzy. It’s a fine line to walk. Maintaining control through the subconscious requires a deep and abiding sense of self control, and the trust and confidence in yourself to not lose control even when you let go of the reins.

Unlike subspace which can be experienced by totally giving up control, and can be experienced by even the newest submissive if they are willing to give up control to that level. Domspace can take a long time to reach. You have to know and understand your partner and yourself quite a bit before it becomes possible. (There are some rare exemptions but dont expect it.)

It is also important to note that after experiencing domspace domdrop is a vary real possibility. (I will talk about that in another blog at a later date) so be mindful, and with knowledge in hand.. enjoy the ride.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Control

At it’s core this is what being a dominant is all about. Control of yourself first and foremost. If you can’t control yourself, how can you expect a submissive to feel safe being controlled by you? But how do you define self control? I can only speak for myself but this is how I look at it.

I hold a tight control over my own emotions. I do not get angry. I may be annoyed from time to time, but angry? No. That would mean giving up control of myself and I refuse to do that.

I control my fear. (Read the fear blog if you want to know more about that one).

I control my lust. I will not be dragged around by my fun bits. Shure.. I have sexual wants and needs.. but they dont dictate my actions.

I control my body. Because of the often physical outdoor work I do I have to be consistently mindful of my own physical condition.

I control what I say. I dont talk a lot, i have always liked the saying “think more, talk less” if i am quiet it is not because i am shy or withdrawn. I am thinking.

I control myself in a myriad of little ways. And that’s why I can walk across any room like I fucking own it. I’m not talking about a cocky strut or a slink. I am talking about walking like I would walk in my own home…. anywhere. (Have I mentioned how modest I am? No? I will.)

Now when it comes to controlling another the first thing any good dom needs is consent. You can’t control someone who doesn’t want you to control them. And if you try not only do you look like an asshat, but you will lose any credibility you may have had. Control of another must be given. And though some choose not to it can be revoked at any time. So charish it as a gift. Because it is.

Once someone has given you control over them you need to live up to the responsibility they just placed in your hands. This is not easy by any means. Those that think a dom just sits back and give orders and whippings have no idea the work that good doms put into their dynamic. Yes.. it is work. But the pay and benefits package are both excellent.

Best wishes from a sleepy dom -SirHanz

My Word as a Dominant

Today I want to talk about something that has gotten lost in today’s society.

A man’s word.

In times past if a man gave his word about something you could count on it being done. No quibbling, no negotiations, it WILL be done.

A man’s word and a handshake launched industry, assured repayment, and created a bond of trust.

And if a man broke his word… baring acts of the uncontrollable universe getting in the way… he was pariah. Frends would not speak to him, stores would not sell to him, no woman would have him. And even if it was not his fault his word was broken and people understood, he would still feel bad about it for weeks.

A man’s word was not given lightly. He had to be shure beyond doubt that he could and would do what was asked of him.

Now days most men treat their word as if they are talking to a nagging wife. “Take out the trash!”…. “fine.. you have my word I will take it out.” And he may or may not do it.

And braking your word now days has little to no impact. No one cares if you gave your word and broke it except maybe the person you gave it to and often not even them. It is just a saying now days.

This saddens me. How can you give your word and have people now days really understand the depth of commitment that comes with that if your word means the same as “fine… I will take out the trash”.

I dont know about other doms but i believe if there is one place that understands what it truly means to give your word… it is the bdsm community. When a dom or master gives his word.. it should be taken with the knowledge that they WILL absolutely do what they say. And establish a bind of trust with whom ever they gave it to. Unfortunately there are not as many who hold the old school values in the community as there once was. So even here a doms word does not mean what it once did.

So I will end with this.. do not give your word lightly. And do not ask for the word of another lightly. For some of us take it VARY seriously.

Knotty thoughts

I suppose I should start at the beginning. Hello, I am SirHanz. Anyone reading this will learn more about me as I write more into this blog. But that’s not why you are here reading. You are interested in BDSM. So that is where we will start. So get your cup of tea, curl up with a pillow and let’s dive right in.

I would like to talk a little about trust. No.. not the trust between a submissive and a dominant. There are plenty of blogs on that subject. And while it is important that is not the trust I am thinking of.
I want to talk about trusting yourself. Oof.. heavy I know.

There are two sides to this in the bdsm context. A dominant must trust himself to not lose control. Not just of his sub but of him/her self. This is more difficult than it sounds. A dominant has to be aware of their words and actions on a minute level. How is what they say and do effecting their submissive? How does that make them feel? Is what I am doing safe? Can I push things farther? Should I? Ect…
Keeping an iron grip on your own thoughts and not losing yourself to the moment can be a struggle. And trusting your own self control takes time and experience.

The other side of the coin is the submissive side. A submissive has to be able to trust themselves to give up that control. Even if they trust their dominant, if they dont trust themselves and feel like they will act in a displeasing way if they let go… they will struggle, wanting to submit but unable to let themselves. And that kind of internal conflict can drive a sub to put themselves into situations they shouldn’t have agreed to in an attempt to prove to themselves that they can handle it. It also invites sub frenzy. And when a submissive doesn’t trust themselves to totally give up control they often feel like they have failed in some way even if they have not. And then you have subdrop. Once a sub has dropped from lack of self trust it can become a vicious cycle of bad situations and subdrop.

So there you have it.. take some time and think about times your trust in yourself has been shaken. And what you can do to work on building up that trust in yourself.

Best wishes -SirHanz