Life update

Well.. I finally went and did it. Pushed myself a little too much and hurt myself. I am currently laid up in bed with a torn muscle in my lower back. Its slightly better today than it was when it happened yesterday. Holy fuck that hurt. And driving home was an exercise in pain control I have not had to do in quite a while.

So… since I have not much to do and its finally getting to the point where I can concentrate enough to write I figured I would give everyone who is kind enough to read my blog an update on how my life is progressing.

Love life is still non existent, I met someone… and I really like her. But she is in a complicated situation and it’s best if I dont involve myself untill it’s all sorted out. So I am waiting as I feel she is worth waiting for. And hopefully when things have been sorted she will still like me as she gets to know me better.

Home life has been a mixed bag, S is working and it has helped her mental state quite a bit. I finally had a chance to talk with my parents about it and they were incredibly supportive. They will be comeing to visit in February on their way down to Florida to take a Cruze and go to a star party (like with telescopes not celebrities) for their 50th wedding anniversary. S is becoming more independent and slowly geting herself together. I am actually proud of her for working so hard to be better. However.. she is still pretty cold to me and didnt offer to help at all when I came home injured last night. That hurt. But I will not forget it ether. I am moving on with my life and when she is able to take care of herself financially I dont think I will want her to stay in the house.

I have been writing a bit here and there mostly posting short poems to twitter. No rave reviews or hordes of followers yet lol. Will definitely continue to post the longer poems and writeing here but a lot of short stuff will be on twitter.

Well… time to ice the back again. Hopefully I will be back to writing poetry soon. But hard to find the inspiration when it hurts just to walk to the fridge to get ice.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Thanksgiving… no thanks.

As I sit wakeing this morning from a bad dream and wallowing in insecurity I wonder if I will even bother to do anything for the holidays. Hell… the whole reason I cook for Thanksgiving is for the pleasure of the one I am with. This year… the stove will be cold. Cooking a big meal is another form of art for me. Juggling times and temperatures,  spice and ingredient, each comeing together to form a beautiful balance of flavor.
 sigh and this year… there is no joy in it. I doubt I will cook so much as a biscuit. It just feels wrong if there is no joy in the kitchen.  So I will go to work.. like any other day. Come home… have a salad then to bed. And try to forget the day is any different from any other.
 I will put up the Christmas tree some time the week after because cookie likes it. But I doubt I will even take time off for Christmas.  Why bother? So I can sit at home wishing I had someone to spend it with? Pass.
 Dont get me wrong.. I love the holidays. The joy and celebration are something I charish. And their in lays the problem.  It’s all about sharing time and being close. Shared experience of being happy doing things together.. which I love. And that is missing this year. Doing holiday things without the one you care about just makes you feel more lonely than ever. So yah.. I wont be watching xmas movies or bakeing savory treats this year. It would just make me sad. Just thinking about it hurts. I’m shure one day I will recapture that joy. But this year will be hard.

Best wishes-SirHanz

The muse’s gift.

The surge comes quickly,
Washing over and filling my soul,
Happiness vibrates from deep within,
Creative energy overflows,
Into an explosion of words,
Butterflies with knives,
Joyfull gladiators,
Duel in my breast,
Eyes dart and soak in color,
Details overlooked now crystal clear,
Thoughts blurr with speed,
Branching and merging,
Faster than I can follow,
Fingers fly apon they keys,
A constant staccato,
Riseing into crescendo,
Of Frantic creation,
Bam. Done.
Soon…
I will start again.

Best wishes-SirHanz

Frozen treats

Working in the cold,
Hands sore and stiff,
Knuckles white,
Fingertips burn,
As I dream of you,
And warm places,
Where I can put,
Ice like fingers.

Where would you warm up my cold hands? 😉

Best wishes -SirHanz

The end of September

Well folks, the month is comeing to a close and the next is about to begin.  It has been a busy month. A lot of work, injury, slow recovery,  joy and worry. My uncle survived his cancer treatment and is slowly recovering.  And one of his daughters got married a few days ago.
 I completed some projects and started others. Including buying a new musical instrument.  It should arrive today or tomorrow most likely.  When I was a young child I was in a music class and we had to learn an instrument.  I chose the cello. It was only for a month but I practiced whenever I had the chance. I just love the soft deep tones that the cello produces.  At the end of the month i had to return the cello and go on to other things. But I had learned to love the sound and that stayed with me throughout my life. A few days ago I won an auction for an electric cello.
 I have always dreamed of playing again but never had the time or money.  I still dont have a lot of time but I look forward to practicing with a bit of the time I have.
 S seems to be a lot more stable mentally now that she is working and we are slowly getting her up on her feet. She is still not to the point of complete independence but at least she is putting in the work to move forward along that path.
 And I? I have found someone I really like. We can’t be together yet due to circumstance. But I am patient and I can wait. Some things are just worth waiting for. And when you find something or someone you adore time means little. It will just make our eventual meeting all the sweeter. She understands me in ways I didnt think anyone ever could. And she inspires me to create which in itself is a feeling I charish.  As with all things, time will tell if this is the destiny the fates have woven. But I sincerely hope that it is. She is beautiful,  kind, and as kinky as I am. I know I am not worthy of her. But I will try to be.
 And cookie? He is my constant happy little monster.  This morning he woke me up at 6am licking my face. A vary cute thing to wake up to. His winter coat has started to grow out so he is even more fluffy and soft than usual.
 Well… my morning tea is done and it’s almost time to start getting ready for work. October is just around the corner and there is much to do.

Best wishes  -SirHanz

4 years

Holy crap… has it been that long? I am usually not good at remembering dates but there are a few I remember. My birthday (usually), the week that we often get our first cool weather after the brutal summer. And the last time I had sex.. yup… 4 years ago tomorrow. Its amazing how time just seems to slip by. There were times when 4 days without sex seemed like way too long.. it’s not the longest I have gone without.. after (she who shall not be named) I pretty much retreated from the world for about 6 years and was celibate through that time. Though it was not by choice, frankly at that point in my life I was fairly broken emotionally and I knew it. I knew I couldn’t deal with the risk of being hurt any more so I hid. I barely saw my family, and pretty much my only contact with people was work and my brother. It took me a long time to come back from that.. but eventually I did. At least this time i came out of the relationship more or less intact though with a few extra scars.

Hmm… was just thinking that Instead of mourning and bemoaning my lack of intemicy tomorrow… maybe I will buy a cake. With four candles that I can laughingly blow out and wish there will not be a fifth. Have a little party and appreciate how sweet it will be when I once again get to experience that joy and passion.

Best wishes -sirhanz

A quick note.

Just wanted to let my readers know the lack of content the last couple of days has not been by choice. I landed a contract for some work but it had to be done in 2 days so 22hours over two days of up and down a ladder and now I can finally get back to writing. I took monday off to rest sore muscles and recoup some sleep. But now I am back. And ready to bring the heat with more delicious words and informative delicacies. Glad to be back, it was a grueling few days at the end of a hot week.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Introspection

Remembered forgotten things,

Obscured by life,

Dulled by the new,

Bright and shiny..

Slowly covered with dust,

Pushed farther back,

Into dim recesses,

Untill a stray thought,

While rummaging,

Through forgotten time,

Tips it out of the atic…

Stooping down,

Brushing away cobwebs,

Its bright and vivid once more,

Smileing at the memory,

Of feelings and joy,

I set it on the shelf once more,

There for all to see.

Best wishes -SirHanz

Cedar and Cypress

Swirling water,

The scent of cedar and cypress,

Warmth soothing,

Lean back,

Heat flowing,

Across my chest,

Morning light,

Captured in a bubble,

Shards of rainbow,

Sparkling on my knee,

Time floats with me,

Lost in tranquility,

My personal sea,

Smelling of trees,

And wild ferns,

A perfect moment,

But like all things,

Warmth slowly fadeing,

If only,

You were here,

Your body hot,

Against my skin,

In the cooling water,

Of my life.

Searching for my towel -SirHanz

Found it.

Ibprophen for breakfast

Nooo…. dont wana get up,

Construction crew,

Inside my head,

Hands ache,

Legs feel stiff,

Why dog.. whhhhyyyyy?

Tea… need it…

Stumble,

Groan,

Clatter of cups,

Pills… I want pills…

Shake the bottle,

Half full…

Small miracles,

One.. two.. down the hatch,

Tea brewed..

Back to bed,

Soft blankets,

Head under pillow,

Bird outside window,

I hope a hawk eats you..

Dammit…

Now I have to pee.