To Approach or to be Approached

Bdsm, relationships 1 Minute

A thought struck me as I was in the shower this morning. Part of the problem when looking for a submissive or dominant is the approach.

When looking for a dominant or a submissive it varies wildly person to person if they prefer to approach a potential partner or if they would rather be approached. There are good arguments for both on the sub and dom sides.

From the sub side, waiting for a dom to approach you makes you feel submissive as the dom is in control of if and when they choose to speak to you. On the other side though… you are forcing a dom to come to you if they want to talk. Is that submissive? Shouldn’t you be the one to approach the dom and offer conversation? This gives the dom the power to accept or decide without being forced to come to you.

See? Good arguments for both.

From the dom side, approaching a potential partner let’s you feel in control and shows them you are confident. On the other side… waiting to be approached shows you are comfortable with who you are and a potential partner needs to show that they are interested in submitting to you before you consider that.

Different styles for different doms.

I myself find that I prefer a sub to be the one to approach me. It shows interest and a willingness to serve before the first word is said. Some think of this as acting aloof, but to me if a submissive is not willing to pluck up their courage and talk to me then they probably are a passive not an active submissive and that’s not what I am looking for.

What about you? Where do you fall on this spectrum? I am curious to know what side your on and your reasons behind it.

Best wishes -SirHanz

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Published by sirhanz

My path in writing, art, or poetry had always been one of seemingly contradictory things meshing to find balance.  Transporting a reader into the depths of their imagination or showing a glimpse of the world through my eyes. Inspireing new thoughts or shifting a readers view to a new perspective has always made me smile. Writing connects me to strangers and those I care about. I write as a creative outlet and as a way to share my thoughts.  Sometimes catharsis,  sometimes simply seeking to share or create beauty.  I openly write about my experiences as a dom and the kinks I enjoy. Sensuality and sexuality both find a home in my work and inspire me to write. I pour feelings onto the page like splashes of paint, throw them out into the world and for some reason people like them. It baffles me but I enjoy the hell out of it. I hope I can continue to inform, amuse, and inspire desire in you all. Best wishes  -SirHanz

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5 thoughts on “To Approach or to be Approached”

  1. I’ve often thought about this and concluded that it would be so much easier if there was a set rule. This is how it’s done, people, do not deviate. But that’s the submissive in me longing for structure and organization.

    I’ve written to one dominant and that turned out well. Every other encounter has the dominant writing to me. It’s difficult for me to put myself out there and approach and yet even in saying that, i see it as the more submissive gesture. Being written to is almost like being catered to. Here, let me bring you this drink you really want, you look thirsty.

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  2. I’ve done both. Approached and waited to be approached. Me in my day to day I would approach some it’s just who I am and that definitely carries over

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